


Apology Cookies

by HQuinn



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Circle of Magi, Dorky Alistair, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Magic, Secrets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2019-06-22 06:19:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 30,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15575643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HQuinn/pseuds/HQuinn
Summary: Lizzy Amell has a chance at a new life, something other than just being a "Circle Kid" and takes it. She packs up her few belongings, leaves her few friends behind to move to Denerim, and enrolls in cooking school.Her first day there she meets Alistair, a book dealer who will soon become more important to her than she can imagine.Lizzy just needs to learn how to undo all the damage the Chantry caused her as a child growing up in the Circle and that she can trust. If she can do that, she may just be the success she hopes to be in her life.This is a WIP, with amazing artwork from SangoSweetz. I apologize for unreliable updates (I'll explain in notes) but this is being worked on. I have a lot of plans for this, I have it all in my head, just need to get it on the computer.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ALL artwork (which I'll remind you of) is created by the incredible SangoSweetz. She is so talented and just as beautiful inside and out. I highly recommend working with her.
> 
> You can find her work here [SangoSweetz](https://sangosweetz.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Ok, back to the fun. PLEASE, be nice as always, but give me feedback. If something's not working or I contradicted myself, let me know so I can fix it. Also please let me know what's working well. Cheer, boo, laugh, etc along with everyone. I want to know who you like and don't like here. LOVE YOU ALL. Seriously. You have no idea how much your comments make my day. EVEN ON OLD WORK!!

Lizzy Amell watches as her co-worker, Colleen, shows her how to work the register while ringing out a customer at the same time. It is only her third day living in Denerim and her first day at ‘JavaBeanz’ a coffee shop that was popular with the rich college kids from Arling U.

“So when their order is done, you hit the ‘Sale’ button,” Colleen explains as she presses the buttons. The girl ordering hands over a blue card to Colleen. “Ok, this is a college payment card. We accept them from all the local colleges. If someone hands you one, you just run it through here,” she indicates a card processor next to the register. “Then once it comes up accepted, like so, you hit this ‘College’ button here, and voila, sale is complete.”

“Seems simple enough,” Lizzy answers as she nervously plays with her ponytail of long brown hair.

“Think you’re ready to do some on your own now?” Colleen gives her an encouraging smile.

“I think so,” she answers, even though she feels unsure.

“You work on these for the next hour and then I’ll start showing you how to work the coffee machine. You’ll do fine, but I’ll be right behind the bakery counter if you need a reminder on anything, ok?” Colleen pats Lizzy’s shoulder encouragingly and walks off to the other section.

Lizzy takes a deep breath and tries calming her nerves. It’s silly, really. It’s not like she’s never worked at a coffee shop before, but somehow she has those ‘new job’ nerves today anyway. 

“Get it under control, Amell,” she murmurs to herself. She came to Denerim for a fresh start and she was damned if she was going to fail her first week. She tugs on her long brown hair, pulled into a ponytail, to center herself.

“Hi, welcome to JavaBeanz. Can I take your order?” She plasters on her best smile to the two men that approach the register.

“Medium black for me. You got this right?” The man turned to his friend who nods. He walks off leaving his friend there.

“Large Latte, Half caff, Soy, two shots of mint,” the other man orders. Lizzy nods and tries ringing in the order. She hopes her blush isn’t evident even though she can feel it on her cheeks. The guy is cute; short, well trimmed red hair with an equally well manicured goatee and mustache. His smirk tells her he definitely notices her blush as he leans against the counter.

Lizzy curses in her head as she struggles with the insanely complex order. ‘ _ Why couldn’t he just want black coffee?’ _ she wonders as she searches in vain for the right keys.

“You new here?” His eyes roam her body as he speaks.

“Yes, sorry. I know it’s taking a long time,” she stammers as she blushes again, but this time from embarrassment.

“No, it’s fine. I just mean I haven’t seen you around before. I’m sure I would have remembered if I had,” he gives her a charming smile as she looks up and he extends a hand to her. “Vaughan.”

She reaches out to shake his hand, “Lizzy.” 

She giggles when he turns her hand and presses a kiss to the back of it. She’s unsure if it’s some Denerim tradition or just this guy but she finds it cute just the same.

“So Lizzy,” he smirks as she fidgets with her hair and gives him a shy smile as he speaks, “what do you do when not ringing up coffee for spoiled rich college kids like yours truly?”

“Honestly, nothing yet. I just moved to town a few days ago,” she takes his college payment card as she speaks and processes it.

“Oh, where from?” He leans in further.

“Uh…” she stumbles at this and reminds herself it’s different here. “Lake Calenhad area.”

“Well in that case, allow me to take you out, show you around town,” Vaughan takes back his card, placing it in his wallet as he speaks. “Assuming there’s not already a boyfriend.”

“There’s not,” she knows she’s smiling like an idiot but doesn’t care. “But, I’m not sure if I’m allowed to date customers. It’s my first day, I really can’t lose my job.”

“My dad owns the building, so don’t worry about it,” he winks at her.

She chuckles and writes down her number for him.

“How about tomorrow night?” Vaughan asks as he enters her number in his phone.

“That’d be great,” she feels those nerves again as she hands him his coffees and watches him walk off to talk with his friend.

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Lizzy rushes about her apartment trying to get ready for her date. Her long hair is done up in a fancy up-do--successfully done after five failed attempts at following a ‘simple how to’ video online.  _ Simple my ass _ she had cursed more than once. Her apartment was still full of boxes, some half opened, causing her to need to weave around them as she walks from her bedroom to the kitchen to get her ringing phone.

“Hello?” 

“Miss Amell? This is the book dealer. You said to call when I was in your lobby.”

“Oh great. I’ll buzz you in. Third floor, Apartment E,” she presses the buzzer as she hangs up, hopping around on one foot as she tries to put her heel on the other. She stops on her way to the front door to look at herself in the mirror. She hopes the dress she wore was good enough for the restaurant they were going to. Even though it was from the local thrift store, it looked expensive to her. If she could afford a real dress she wouldn’t be needing the dealer coming over now to buy one of her old books. 

Hearing the knock, she opens the door to find a man in his early twenties with reddish-blonde hair and a boyish grin on the other side. He appears to be about six or seven inches taller than her, although it seems less with her heels on.

“Miss Amell?” He is looking around the hall as she opens the door. When his eyes land on her, he gives her an odd look.

She nods and opens the door wider, “Alistair, right?”

“Yes,” he coughs to hide a blush. He’s used to dealing with older people looking to sell off antique books or to get an appraisal for investments, not pretty women. He feels instantly drawn to her big brown eyes and her smile. Something about her seems so familiar. He shakes his head, realizing how unprofessional his thoughts are. “You said you had a book from the Dragon Age?”

“Yes, over here,” she leads him through the trail of boxes over to her kitchen table where a small book sits.

His eyes get wide. He can tell without even opening it that the book is old, most likely authentic. He reaches into his bag and pulls out a pair of latex gloves which he then puts on. Gingerly he opens the book, admiring the writing inside which appears to be done by hand, not printed.

“This appears to be about the second Inquisition. Look here, it’s an account written by their own ambassador. This is an amazing aritfact. May I ask how you found it?” he doesn’t look up as he speaks, enamoured with the book.

“It was an inheritance. Is it worth much then?” She nervously bites her lip. So much is riding on this.

“Oh definitely. You’re sure you want to part with it? Once we make a deal I can’t do refunds,” Alistair looks up at her while still leaning over the book.

“I’m sure. It holds no sentimental value to me,” Lizzy nods. “I need the money for college tuition.”

She admires his broad shoulders as he strands straighter. He definitely works out.  _ Are all the men in Denerim good looking? _ she wonders to herself. Why’d she put off moving here for so long? 

“How does 3000 gold sound?” He reaches his hand out to her. It’s more than she expected. With that she can make her payment to the school and not have to clean out her savings like she’d thought she would. She’ll still need to dip in, but there will be something left.

She nods excitedly and shakes his hand. “You have a deal.”

“Great,” Alistair reaches into his bag and pulls out his check ledger writing out a check for her. He can barely contain his excitement of getting to look through the book in more detail tomorrow and learn the secrets within. “Miss Amell, it’s been a pleasure.”

_artwork by[SangoSweetz](https://sangosweetz.tumblr.com/)_

 

She’s still staring at the check. She’s never had that much money before, especially not all in one shot. It’s over three months salary, but she knows it’ll be gone again tomorrow once she’s at the school. “Thanks again,” she says as she looks up and walks with him to the door.   
  
Walking into the kitchen she frowns as she notices water dripping around the sink. She pulls out a towel and puts it near the leak. She then adds  _ leaking sink _ to the list she has. On there is also  _ light has short in bathroom _ ,  _ broken window in bedroom _ , and  _ leak in living room ceiling _ . It’s her list of things to bring to the super tomorrow to fix. She sighs as she looks at the list. She knows this place is a dump, but it’s all she can afford. But, at least it’s home. The first one she’s ever had of her own.  _ No wonder that guy asked how I got the book _ , she thinks as she looks around her broken down apartment. _ He probably is worried I stole it. _

She takes one more look at herself in the mirror. Her phone beeps, a text from Vaughan letting her know he’s downstairs. She takes a deep breath and heads downstairs. Her breath catches once she sees him. Vaughan is dressed in what looks like an expensive suit and she once again feels self conscious of her dress. She takes note of the red sports car he’s leaning on and is impressed with how much it shines even in the twilight. Vaughan pushes off from his car when he notices her exiting her building and flashes her a winning smile. 

“You look great,” he looks her up and down as he opens the car door for her.

“You as well,” she lowers herself into the car and watched as he crosses in front of the car. She adjusts her dress, feeling nervous yet again. The ride to the restaurant is quiet as she is unsure what to talk about. She starts to wonder what she could have in common with someone that could afford a car like this when she’s one paycheck away from not making the rent.

They enter the restaurant and are greeted by the hostess instantly, “Messere Kendells, we have your table ready.”

Vaughan nods and gently touches the small of Lizzy’s back as he leads her in to follow the hostess. They arrive to a table with a long white tablecloth and someone rushes to pull out Lizzy’s chair for her. As she sits, she notices that the white plates are lined with gold trim and wonders if it’s real gold. She wonders the same about the gold flatware beside them. On the center of the table is a single red rose in a crystal vase. Once they are seated, a woman arrives and fills two of the glasses with ice water as another woman hands them both a menu--a single page on a hard black board. Lizzy gulps when she sees the prices, several of them are more than she makes in a week. She looks up slightly but finds that Vaughan seems unaffected by the prices. She feels some excitement, though, at getting to try the type of food she dreams of learning to make at school.

“Do you want me to order for you?” Vaughan offers, misinterpreting the look she is giving the menu.

“Thank you, but I know what I want,” she answers with a smile. She looks up when the waiter arrives at the table. “I’ll take the roasted duck with a berry medley.”

Vaughan orders a steak and a bottle of wine. She fidgets slightly under the table feeling bad about how much money he is spending on her.

“So, you said you were new to town. What made you decide on Denerim?” Vaughan asks as the waiter pours the wine into glasses for each of them.

“I’m going to be enrolling in the Lord Woolsley School of Culinary Arts tomorrow,” she answers feeling butterflies in her stomach now that she’s saying it outloud for the first time. It’s not the most elite school, but it’s what she can afford. Plus it’s a chance to do something other  _ normal  _ people do -- go to college.

“Oh, you cook then?” He asks with a smirk.

“A little,” she plays with the napkin in her lap. 

“Maybe you could make something for me some time,” he suggests as dinner arrives. “I bet you could give the chef here a run for his money.”

She blushes, noticing that he’s already making future plans with her, and feels some excitement at the prospect of getting to know him better. The thought of cooking for him is a little scary, as she’s only ever cooked for her former roommate, Finn. The rest of dinner goes well. Vaughan makes some suggestions of places she should visit in town, including several only locals would know about.

“There’s an elite club around the corner, ‘Vigil’s Keep’. If you are interested, I could get us in. Maybe get a drink, talk some more?” He suggests as they exit the restaurant.

“Sounds nice,” she finds she’s enjoying getting to experience how the other half live. She takes his offered arm and they head off to the club.

As promised, Vaughan is waved right in when they arrive. Once inside she feels self-conscious about her thrift-store dress again as she sees the fashionistas all around the club. It’s like the photos in a magazine with how put together and beautiful everyone is.

“Why don’t you find a table for us and I’ll get us some drinks,” he nods towards the back of the club and heads towards the bar.

“Jonaley,” Vaughan nods to the red haired man standing at the bar as he approaches. He signals to one of the bartenders who nods and makes his way down to the two of them.

“Hey Vaughan,” Jonaley tilts his head towards the booth along the back wall. “Who’s the bird?”

“Some coffee rat,” he says after ordering from the bartender.

“Doesn’t sound like you’re that into her, so why bring her here?” Jonaley turns back to the bar.

“Don’t you know those poor girls are easy? Just take them out for a fancy meal, listen to them blab some bullshit about how they’re going to change the world. By the end of the night they practically fall into your bed,” Vaughan chuckles.

“And that?” Jonaley asks as Vaughan stirs one of the drinks with a swizzle stick.

“Insurance,” Vaughan chuckles, turning with drinks in hand and walks over to Lizzy.

“Here you are m’lady,” Vaughan gives a charming smile as he hands a drink to her.

“Thanks,” Lizzy takes a sip and leans back in the seat, watching the people all around. There’s quite a few faces she recognizes from the entertainment magazines.

“Did you want to dance?” Vaughan asks as he notices her watching the floor.

“I’m really not that good,” she lies as she takes another sip of her drink. The truth is she doesn’t want to feel even more out of place surrounded by money.

“Fair enough,” Vaughan nods, as he drinks his whiskey. “We can just people watch then.” 

He moves his arm behind her, his fingers starting to gently running on her shoulder and Lizzy snuggles a little closer. They’re talking about his recent trip to Starkhaven when she notices that the lights are blurring in her eyesight. She feels a little dizzy and wonders how she got so drunk on only one glass of wine and a cocktail. She looks at her empty glass and shakes her head trying to keep herself awake. 

“I think I need to um, powder my nose,” she gets up a little unsteady.

“Right over there,” Vaughan looks a little smug as he points towards the restrooms.

“Thanks,” she stumbles her way through the crowd to the bathroom. Once in there she stands in front of the sink and splashes some water on her face.

“Ok, think Lizzy,” she says quietly to herself. She pulls out her phone and tries to think straight as the room sways.

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“You’re going down, Therin!”

“You’re welcome to try,” Alistair chuckles as he holds the game controller and the racing game starts. He shakes it as he notice his car isn’t moving. Opening it, he finds the batteries missing. “Isabela!”

The woman beside him starts laughing heartedly as the redhead on the floor, Leliana, holds up the missing double A’s. 

“Told you,” she cackles as her car crosses the finish line. “Pulled them out when you got your last slice of pizza.” 

“Traitor,” he teases Leliana who shrugs and laughs in response.

His phone buzzes before he can say much more. Picking it up he frowns when he sees the name. He  _ hates _ seller’s remorse, which is why he implemented the no refunds rule.

“Ms. Amell,” he answers, as he signals to his friends that it’s a business related call. “Is there a problem with the check?”

“Please don’t hang up!”

“Ms. Amell?” Something doesn’t sound right in her voice. Is she crying?

“Please, I...I don’t know anyone in this town, I don’t know who else I can call,” her voice is shaking and echoing as if in a bathroom.

“Are you ok?” He stands up, feeling concerned suddenly anxious.

“I...I think my date drugged me. I need help, please.” She’s definitely crying.

“Do you know where you are?” He’s now signaling to Isabela and Leliana to follow him as he finds his keys.

“Um….some club. Keep something? Ugh, I can’t remember everything’s so fuzzy. But it’s impossible to get in, I remember that.”

“Don’t worry about that. I know what club you mean, I can get in,” he says as he looks at Leliana. “Where are you? Are you somewhere safe for now?”

“The bathroom. I don’t feel so good.”

“Ok, stay in there. I’m coming with some friends, they’ll get you out.”

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She hears someone calling her name as she sits near the toilet having lost the fancy dinner. It’s a woman’s voice, but not one she recognizes.

“Here,” she moans.

“Hey,” a woman with red hair leans down to her level. At least she thinks it’s a woman--everything is so fuzzy she can’t see much more than shapes and colors. “I’m Leliana. This is Isabela. Alistair’s with us, he told us what’s going on. Do you think you can stand?”

Lizzy nods, but when she tries to get up she stumbles again.

“Ok, come on,” Isabela says as she puts one of Lizzy’s arms around her neck and puts an arm around Lizzy’s waist to support her as they both stand. “Here we go. Lel, keep an eye out for the creep, whoever he is.”

They work their way through the club without much trouble. No one thinks much of two women helping what appears to be their drunk friend out the door. She’s all but passed out when they get back outside where Alistair’s waiting for them. He catches her as she starts to crumple. Picking her up bridal style he frowns, wishing he could find the person that did this to her and rearrange his face. “Let’s get out of here before her ‘date’ shows up.”

It takes the three of them to get her buckled in the car as she’s now limp.

“What do we do with her?” Alistair asks as he stands up and scratches the back of his head.

“The hospital won’t see her without insurance. I don’t see any in her purse,” Leliana frowns as she closes Lizzy’s bag.

“Alright,” Alistair sighs. “I guess my place and maybe Wynne can check her to make sure she’s not going to die or something.”

The other two nod and they all pile into his car.


	2. Chapter 2

Lizzy rolls over in the bed, feeling the warmth of the blankets around her, not yet ready to open her eyes and awaken. The bed is soft, and smells like lilacs and she sighs as she snuggles into it further. She feels like she’s in a cloud as she hears the singing of birds outside. The smell of sandalwood mixes with that of the sheets and she tugs on the shirt she’s wearing, confirming that’s where the delicious smell is coming from. She can’t remember her bed ever feeling so soft. She rolls over again and opens her eyes to see a black mabari quietly watching her over the covers.

_ Aww, he’s cute _ . She thinks and then she realizes she doesn’t  _ have _ a mabari, and her bed isn’t soft, and has never smelled like lilacs. She starts to feel panic well up in her as she shoots up, standing on the floor almost immediately. Taking a look at herself, she sees that she’s wearing what appears to be a man’s shirt and sweatpants with the cord cinched tight to keep them from falling off her as they are much too big and much too long for her body. She notices her dress laid out neatly on a nearby chair and her shoes under that same chair.

Oblivious to her freaking out, the mabari walks over to her side and presses his head under her hand looking to be pet.

“Where the fuck am I?” She asks as she absent-mindedly scratches the dog behind his ear. 

She hears the sounds of plates clinking from somewhere in the house. Her hand shakes as she reaches for the door knob, terrified that it may be locked. When it opens freely, she is hit with the smell of pancakes and coffee. She holds her breath as she sneaks down the hall. Her new friend pushes past her has they reach the end of the hallway and she watches as he runs up to a man whose back it to her. Lizzy quickly grabs a knife she sees sitting on the counter as the man bends down to pet the dog affectionately.

“Who the void are you and what did you do to me?” Her voice shakes as she holds out the knife in protection. She is even more shocked and scared to see that the man is none other than the bookseller from the previous night.

“Ms. Amell, you’re awake. Oh! And you have a knife,” Alistair puts his hands up as if to show he means no harm. It might mean more to her if she hadn’t just woken up in his bed, wearing what is probably his clothes, with no memory of how she got there.

“Start talking you creep,” she waves the knife as she speaks. 

“Uh, a little help in here please,” he calls out to someone. She readies a lightning spell in the hand hidden behind her.

Her spell sputters out and she drops the knife when she sees who enters. Of all the people she thought might walk into the kitchen, the lead singer and guitarist for her favorite band were not on that list. She had pictures of them all over her room when she was younger. Leliana’s voice kept her company through many a lonely night.

“You’re...y…,” Lizzy sputters.

“I’m Isabela. How about you come sit down with us and we’ll answer your questions?” Isabela offers. Lizzy nods and looks again at Alistair who is standing quietly watching the rest of them. Beside him are the pancakes she had smelled earlier.

“Don’t worry about him. Alistair’s harmless,” Isabella reassures Lizzy, sensing her anxiety. “Let’s get some food in you, that’ll help.”

“Uh, alright,” Lizzy answers as she wraps her arms around herself.

“So, what  _ do _ you remember about last night?” Leliana asks as they sit down. 

Lizzy looks up and gives a shy smile to Alistair when he places a plate with three pancakes, and a cup of coffee in front of her. He returns twice more from the kitchen bringing breakfast for the others and finally himself and sits across from her, avoiding her eyes with his own. Lizzy feels guilty knowing he’s doing that to make her feel more comfortable. Lizzy pulls her knees up onto the chair and wraps an arm around them while reaching for the coffee with her free hand.

“I remember…,” she tries to think back to the night before, but so much of it is fuzzy. “I remember being at dinner with Vaughan and… I can’t remember anything until I woke up.”  _ Why _ can’t she remember anything? Something’s not right.

“Do you remember him taking you to a club?” Leliana asks as she bites into her pancakes.

Lizzy tries to think but there was just blackness in her memory and she shakes her head.

“You called Alistair last night. Said you’d been drugged and asked for his help,” Isabela supplies.

Lizzy looks at her untouched breakfast. “Why would I do that? I don’t even know you.”

“You said you didn’t know anyone in town,” Alistair finally looks up as he answers her.

“And...you came to help me? Even though you didn’t know me?”

“He’s kind of the knight-in-shining-armor type,” Isabela smirks as Alistair blushes and shrugs.

“So why am I here?” She asks, finally letting her legs go back to the ground and giving in to her need to eat.

“I couldn’t find any insurance in your purse, so we couldn’t take you to the hospital,” Leliana explains. “We took you here and had Wynne check you over.”

“Wynne?”

“My neighbor. She’s a doctor,” Alistair answers. “We wanted to make sure you’d at least be ok. She said to let you sleep, that you’d probably have some headaches today.”

“How’d I wind up in these?” Lizzy asked pulling on the front of the shirt.

“I didn’t think you’d want to ruin your dress, so Alistair donated the sleepwear,” Leliana explains.  “But don’t worry, Bela dressed you, not him.”

“I kept my eyes closed, kitten,” Isabela winks at Lizzy. “I think we should take you to the cops, report the creep.”

“And say what? My date may or may not have drugged me but did nothing else that I know of?” Lizzy shrugs and then looks at Alistair. “I’d rather just forget all this. I...I’m sorry for thinking…”

“No, it’s alright. You didn’t know any better,” Alistair smirks and then looks back down blushing again. Lizzy wonders why he blushes so much-- it’s like the third or fourth time this morning already. She grins as she digs into her pancakes, thinking that it’d be fun seeing how many ways she could get him to keep doing that.

“Thanks just the same. All of you. I don’t know what would have…” Lizzy takes a deep breath and calms herself. “Just thank you.”

Leliana squeezes her hand but doesn’t say anything. There really isn’t much to say.

“I have somewhere I need to be before three. Any chance one of you could give me a ride back to my place?”

“I have to head out anyway. Go get back in your threads and we’ll take off,” Isabela stands with her empty plate. “Meet up with you later?” 

“Absolutely,” Leliana nods, leaning back in her chair.

Ten minutes later, Lizzy is sitting in the passenger seat of an old VW van. She looks behind her and could see the back was completely open. She is surprised that someone as well known as Isabela is would have such an unremarkable vehicle.

Isabela jumps into the driver’s seat and smiles as the van starts up. “Miss Amell, meet Baby!”

“Lizzy,” she answers.

“Oh good. It would be weird having to keep calling you ‘Miss’,” Isabela laughs.

Lizzy smirks, looking around at the van again. “So...Baby?”

Isabela lovingly runs her fingers over the steering wheel. “She’s always been my first love. Lel and I lived in this vehicle when we first started. Drove up and down the coast to gigs, just us and Baby and our roadie, Zev. So where’s your place?”

Lizzy gives her the address, and settles into her seat as they turn out of Alistair’s driveway. “So, how do you know Alistair?”

“Leli went to high school with him,” Isabela explained. “I don’t think they ran in the same circles though.”

“No?”

“Nah. Leli was artsy, music type even then. Alistair was more a book nerd.”

“So then how is it that you’re all friends now?”

“His ex was our old drummer. Plus he roadied for us along with Zev, starting when we were doing small clubs until the last tour. Here you are,” she pulls along the curb in front of Lizzy’s building.

“Wait, so Alistair dated Lyna Mahariel?” Lizzy is star struck. Lyna is her favorite musician of anyone. To know that she met someone that was that close to her is thrilling.

“Yeah, that’s in the past,” Isabela offers no more explanation.

“Thanks for the ride,” Lizzy is trying not to show how much she’s freaking out inside that she just got a ride home from  _ Isabela _ .

“Of course,” Isabela reassures her. “Here, hand me your phone.”

“Why?”

“Just hand it over,” Isabela chuckles as Lizzy does. She types something in and hands it back to Lizzy. “That’s my personal cell. Please don’t go passing that around, but next time you’re in trouble, now you’ll have another person you can call on.”

“I…,” Lizzy looks at her phone. _She has freaking_ _Isabela’s personal number_! “Thanks.”

“Hopefully I’ll get to see you again sometime,” Isabela smiles again. “You seem pretty cool now that you’re awake.”

“I don’t know. I feel like I bothered Alistair enough. He didn’t need to get dragged into the problems of some stranger,” Lizzy frets.

“I promise he didn’t mind. Like I said, he’s one of the good ones.”

Lizzy nods not sure what more to say at this point. “I have to run, need to get the check to the college.”

“Ooo, college. You’ll have to tell me about that. Oh, and you can just call to say hi, doesn’t have to be a rescue,” Isabela waves as Lizzy heads out of the van.

“Oh, real quick--what’s Alistair’s favorite cookie?” Lizzy yells back to the van.

“Probably something with cheese,” Isabela calls out laughing as she takes off.

Once in her apartment, Lizzy squeals and does a silly dance still ecstatic from having met her favorite singing duo. It helps lessen the sting from how horribly the date went, and she feels grateful that Alistair even answered the phone. She gets a shiver thinking how it could have turned out differently. She decides a quick shower will help remove the slimy feeling she has about last night, and heads to her bathroom to turn on the water. It’ll be nearly ten minutes before she gets hot water, which gives her time to get together clothes to wear, and get the check from Alistair ready.

She checks her phone while waiting and sees she has a lot of missed messages from Finn, and a voice mail too. Each one more panicky then the next that he hasn’t heard from her. She forgot that she’d promised to call him when she got home. He’s the closest thing to family she has, and she knows she’d be just as nervous if it had been him that moved away.

“I’m sorry,” she says as soon as he answers.

“I was packing a bag to come look for you. Was the sex that good that you couldn’t sneak away to at least text me you were still alive?” she can hear him taking a breath of relief.

“It wasn’t…It was a disaster. Or it would have been if I hadn’t been rescued by…”

“RESCUED?!?” he screeches. “What do you mean rescued?”

Lizzy relays what she can recall of the night, adding in what Isabela and Leliana had told her. After convincing him she really was ok, and promising to call again that night, they say their goodbyes and Lizzy heads into the shower.

An hour later she’s out her door and headed to the bank to deposit her check. It’s more money than she’s ever had at one time, and she feels some sorrow at knowing it’ll be gone so soon. That sorrow is tempered by the excitement of finally getting to follow her dreams.

At the college, her hand shakes as she writes out the tuition check. The older woman behind the counter smiles kindly at her. 

“Feeling nervous?”

“Just a bit,” Lizzy admits wondering if that’s a sign she shouldn’t be here. She expects the woman to snatch the check she’s writing and tear it up telling Lizzy to leave. 

“It’s totally normal,” the lady tries to reassure her. “One day you’ll look back on today and know that it was the start of something life changing. You’ll be glad then that you didn’t let your nerves hold you back.”

Lizzy gulps suddenly feeling tears well up. She’s never had anyone tell her they believed in her before or that she  _ could _ do something. It’s overwhelming and she can’t find the words to tell this woman just how much what she said means, so instead she just nods as her lip quivers while handing over the check.

“Make sure to bring me something amazing to eat when you graduate. Preferably with chocolate,” the lady calls out as Lizzy leaves. She can only wave, afraid if she opens her mouth she really will start crying.

That night she searches online, pleasantly surprised to find a recipe for cheese cookies. As she’s mixing together the ingredients she daydreams that she’s in the kitchen of a fancy bakery with her name out front. She puts the cookies in the oven and turns up the music on her radio, dancing around and unpacking boxes as she waits for the timer. She can’t remember the last time she felt so light. All the nervous energy from this morning has turned into wishes and hopes and dreams. She  _ can _ do this. In Denerim no one knows her. Here’s she’s not some deadbeat ‘Circle kid’. Here she’s ‘Lizzy Amell, future amazingly awesome baker of incredibly delicious treats that will make your mouth freak out.’  She may need to work on that job description, but she has time, she laughs. The timer goes off and she pulls out the cookies. They smell incredible. Cheese and cookies are not two things she would have thought to put together, but here they are.  She takes a bite of one and her eyes close at just how delicious they are. She goes back to unpacking as they cool. After a few hours, she puts them all on a paper plate, and then heads off to bed.

Sleep doesn’t come easy. Even though classes won’t start for two more weeks, she’s already nervous about the prospect of being in a real honest-to-goodness college. She’s really going to do this. This is really happening. She feels like she’s practically vibrating in the bed. It takes hours for sleep to finally kick in.

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Lizzy pulls her car into the parking lot of JavaBeanz, putting the box of cookies for Alistair on the floor for later. She practically bounces into the coffee shop, still feeling some of the nervous energy from the night before. Her dreams had been filled with images of her own bakery, with a line out the door of customers.

“Hey,” she waves to Colleen.

“Elizabeth?” Colleen looks surprised. “Um, hi.”

“Is something wrong?” she asks, noticing the strange look the other employees are giving her.

“Uh, I think Bhelan may want to talk to you,” Colleen looks towards the owner’s office.

Lizzy knocks on the door and enters when Bhelan calls out.

“Ah, Lizzy. Come in and shut the door,” he fiddles with his hands nervously as he speaks.

Lizzy feels butterflies in her stomach again, but not the good kind anymore. “Um, sure.”

She sits and waits while Bhelan digs through his drawer and pulls out a money box.

“I’m afraid, Ms. Amell, that there is no longer a place for you here.”

She feels her stomach drop. “What? Why?”

“There was complaints made about you, uh, contaminating people’s drinks.”

“Doing what?” She is confused what he could mean.

“Spitting, Ms. Amell.”

“No, I’d never do that. I swear. Please, I need this job. I have rent to pay,” she can feel tears starting to well, even though she swears she  _ will not _ cry.

“I’m sorry. But the Kendalls own the building. I can’t risk angering them…”

“Wait, Vaughan made the complaint? He’s a damn liar. Mr. Aduc…”

“I’m sorry. Here, take this. It’s what you’ve earned for the other day, in cash so you don’t have to wait,” he hands her 40 gold.

Lizzy looks at the money in her hand, and feels wetness land on her palm as a tear falls from her chin. She nods, unable to say anything more, feeling all the dreams from yesterday crash to the ground. She rushes out of the shop, unable to face her now former coworkers. Once in her car, the tears fall freely. She has 100 gold in the bank, plus the 40 in her hand. There’s little chance now she can make her rent by month’s end. She can hear the ‘I told you sos’ she’ll get when people from Lake Calenhad find out.

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Alistair thumbs through a large book titled ‘The History of the Fifth Blight’. It’s a time in Thedas’ history that has always fascinated him. His love of it is what actually led to him owning this store. As a young teen he would spend any money he’d earn collecting any and all books he could find about the Fifth Blight. Over the years he amassed a collection, and found he had a good eye for knowing what was genuine and what wasn’t when it came to books.

Lyna had been proof that the skill didn’t translate from judging books to people. Since their breakup, he’d pretty much devoted himself to his store exclusively. What had started as a few shelves in a consignment store was now 1200 square feet consisting of large bookshelves, half a dozen oversized comfy chairs, a few lamps here and there, and the central desk he’s currently sitting at. He also has his own office that he sometimes hides away in when he has a book he’s particularly enthralled with. The only reason he’s not in there now with the book he recently acquired from Lizzy Amell is because he has that at his house. As he’s been reading it, he’s been contemplating adding it to his personal collection instead of selling it.

He’s reading a chapter on the Grey Wardens’ that ended the Fifth Blight when he’s jolted from his concentration by a large book making a thud on the desk. Alistair looks up and his scowl turns into a friendly smile when he sees Lizzy on the other side of the desk.

“Sorry,” she sighs. “I didn’t mean to startle you. I’d said your name a few times and you weren’t answering so…” She shrugs.

“Oh,” he stands quickly. “I’m sorry, I was just…”

“Reading?” she interrupts with a half smile.

“Well, it is a bookstore,” he teases. His eyes search hers and he wonders why she always seems to have sadness hidden in them.

“Probably makes more sense then sword practice,” she chuckles.

“I tried that. For some reason it scared away the customers,” Alistair shrugs. “So did you just come in to throw a book at me or was there something I can help you with?”

“I was going to come over anyway. I made these for you, as a thanks for the other day,” she hands over a box.

“You made me cookies?” Alistair takes the box excitedly opening it up.

“Isabela said you like cheese, so I found this recipe…”

“Oh these are wonderful,” Alistair closes his eyes in bliss as he shoves one of the cookies into his mouth. 

Lizzy blushes at seeing the expression on his face and imagining other times he might make that look.

“Wait. You said ‘anyway’. The book?” he looks behind him at the book she’d dropped earlier.

“I need to pay my rent, so…” she points her hand at the book.

“Didn’t I just give you a check?” He starts to flip through the book, putting down the cookies.

“I spent it. On tuition. I lost my job yesterday, and rent’s due in two weeks,” she sounds sad.

Alistair turns to face her. “You lost your job? What happened.”

“Turns out that guy was more of an ass then I thought. He got me fired. Said I spit in his coffee,” Lizzy grumbles. “I only wish I had.”

“Seriously? If you see him, point him out to me. I’d like a word with him,” Alistair’s expression becomes serious.

“I doubt that’ll happen. I don’t tend to run in the same circles as him. So, is it worth anything?” She indicates the book.

“Yes, but maybe I can do something better. Hey, Carver!” He calls out and winks at her.

“Yeah?”

Lizzy turns to see someone her former roommate would have described as a ‘meathead’. He’s wearing jeans and a sleeveless shirt that shows off his rather muscular arms and a backwards baseball hat on his head.

“Is your brother still looking for a replacement with Bethany back at school?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Carver shrugs.

“Come on,” Alistair tilts his head to the door.

“Where are we going?” Lizzy asks as she follows.

“We’re going to see a man about a job,” Alistair smirks. He leads her across the street to a strip mall and then what appears to be a coffee shop in there -- “Champions”. Behind the counter is a young female elf ringing up a customer. She looks up as she hears the front door bell trigger and her eyes light up as she smiles brightly. 

“Hey Alistair!”

“Hi Merril, this is Lizzy. Your boss in?” Alistair indicates Lizzy beside him.

“He’s in the back. Go on in.” She wishes the customer a farewell. “Oh, wait! Fenris is back there, maybe knock first.”

Lizzy nearly walks into Alistair when he stops up short. “Let’s just sit and wait,” he suggests as he turns around.

“Is there a problem?” Lizzy asks, wondering why this  _ Fenris  _ is causing him pause.

“No, I just don’t need to walk in on them, um, shagging. Again,” Alistair turns beet red as he looks away as he takes a seat.

Lizzy giggles, finding his embarrassment adorable. She starts looking around, catching him looking at her when he thinks she’s looking away. It’s the same odd way he was looking at her when they first met.

“Do I have something on my face?” She teases.

“What?” Alistair finally meets her eyes with his again.

“You keep looking at me weird.” Under the table she’s pulling at her hands worrying that maybe he’s figured out her secret about who she really is.

“Sorry, it’s just...Well you look really familiar, but I can’t figure out why. You said you’re new to town?”

Lizzy nods, “Only been here about a week.”

“Mmm. Crappy first week then,” Alistair sighs. “Ever been to Denerim before?”

Lizzy shakes her head.

“Well I’m sure I’ll figure it out,” he shrugs and then suddenly stands up. “Hawke.”

Lizzy turns to see a tall human with dark black hair and a thick beard. Beside him is an elf, about six inches shorter than the human. He has solid white hair and is covered in white tattoos. The human’s eyes are full of humor and he extends a hand towards Alistair, indicating to Lizzy that he is probably Hawke, making the elf Fenris.

“Hey, if it’s not my favorite book nerd. What brings you over?”

“This is Lizzy Amell. She’s a...a friend,” he stumbles realizing he’s only known her a few days and is unsure just how to introduce her. “She needs a job, you need someone to help in the shop…”

“Nice to meet you, Lizzy Amell,” Hawke shakes her hand. “Any friend of Alistair’s is someone I feel sorry for.”

“You...why?” She looks between Alistair and Hawke.

“Because they have to put up with his maker-awful jokes,” Hawke chuckles.

“You are hardly in a position to criticize anyone for their humor,” Fenris playfully scolds Hawke.

“You married me, so clearly you don’t find it that awful,” Hawke pouts.

“You have other assets that make up for it,” Fenris teases, giving Hawke a quick kiss to soothe him. “I need to head out.”

“Right, later,” Hawke winks and then turns his attention back to Lizzy. “So, do you have experience with coffee or baking?”

“Both,” Lizzy straightens up. “I’m going to be attending the college for cooking classes.”

“Oh wonderful. I’d be happy to be a tester for anything you make. Fenris is wonderful at many things, but cooking is not one of them,” Hawke smirks. “Well the pay isn’t great, the jokes are awful, there’s zero room for advancement and you’re replacing my sister, so you’ll always be not as good,” he winks to show he’s teasing again. “So, you want the job?”

“Well, with a sales pitch like that, how can I say no?” 

They all turn at hearing the loud squeal of delight from behind the counter. Merrill is jumping up and down, apparently having been listening. “Oh, this will be so exciting.” She comes bounding around the counter and rushes up to Lizzy. “We’re going to be best friends. I can already tell.”

Lizzy can’t help but laugh at the other woman’s excitement. 

“Too late to back out now,” Hawke laughs as Merrill has Lizzy in a full on bear hug.

“I see that,” Lizzy looks down at the elf that is wrapped around her and mouths a  _ ‘Thank You’ _ to Alistair.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lizzy gets to know more of the gang and joins a game night at Alistair's.

Lizzy looks up from the table she is clearing off when she hears the bell above the door ring out. She smirks to herself as Carver enters. Since she started working at “Champions” almost two weeks ago she’s noticed that Carver only comes in on the days that Merrill is working. It’s sweet, watching the two of them blush and bumble their way through his order.

After he leaves, Lizzy goes behind the counter. “So, you and Carver?”

“Me and Carver, what?” Merrill asks. “Is this a riddle? I’m really not good at riddles.”

Lizzy shakes her head and grins at how innocent Merrill can be sometimes. “I mean you and him liking each other. Have you been on a date yet?”

“What? Oh, no. I’m sure he’s just being friendly,” Merrill looks down and blushes as she pretends like she’s concentrating on organizing the cups.

Lizzy chuckles to herself as she helps straighten up behind the counter. On paper, Merrill and Carver may not match. He’s all quiet and sulky and looks like he’s itching for someone to arm wrestle. Merrill is peppy, with short, spiky, purple hair and enough energy to power Denerim. But in reality they would be cute together.

“He likes you. He only comes in on days he knows you’re working,” Lizzy answers.

“Well how would he know when I’m working?” Merrill finally stops pretending to clean.

“He is related to the owner. He probably just asks Hawke,” Lizzy suggests.

“Oh, yeah. I guess that makes sense,” Merrill looks like she’s pondering this. “He’s sweet.”

“Well, on you, yeah. I don’t know him enough to say otherwise,” Lizzy smirks again. “You should ask him out.”

“Oh, that’d be too scary,” Merrill’s eyes get wide.

“I bet he’d say yes,” Lizzy gives Merrill a playful elbow.

“Are you busy tonight? There’s this thing, and Carver will be there so maybe you could be my backup?” Merrill wrings her hands, clearly nervous.

“Well, uh, what kind of _thing_?”

“Oh, it’s a game night at Alistair’s. A whole bunch of us get together and sometimes it’s a drinking game, sometimes cards. Maybe if you’re there I’ll feel braver about talking to Carver?”

“Um, ok, sure,” Lizzy takes a deep breath reminding herself this is a new start and making friends here would help with that.

“You will?” Merrill claps her hands together excitedly. She grabs a sheet of paper and writes on it before handing it to Lizzy. “Here’s the address. I’ll be there at eight. Bring a bottle of your favorite drink, and there’s tons of room if you want to crash there. I sometimes do if I’ve drank too much.”

Lizzy nods and looks at the paper. It’s her first invite to a party, another leap towards being _normal_.

***

Lizzy pulls into the circular driveway at Alistair’s home. Somehow she’d missed just how big the house is last time. There’s several cars already in the driveway, including one she recognizes as belonging to Isabela. She tugs on the concert tee she’s wearing. She never asked how to dress, but is assuming jeans and a t-shirt will be ok. She’s stressing about not knowing how people act at parties when a noise from a bush near the porch draws her attention. She turns towards the bush and sees Merrill stepping around the bush.

“Hey,” the elf smiles.

“Were you...were you just hiding?” Lizzy giggles.

“I was just waiting for you. Behind a bush,” Merrill blushes.

“Well, I’m here now,” Lizzy laughs. "Let's get inside and open up this," Lizzy gently shakes the paper bag holding the bottle of alcohol she brought. "That should make it easier to talk to Carver."

They are no sooner in the door when Isabella throws her arm around Lizzy’s shoulders. “Hey, Cookie. You’re here.” She takes the bag from Lizzy’s hands. “And you brought rum. I knew I liked you!”

“Cookie?” Lizzy quirks her eyebrow.

“Alistair went on and on about those cookies you made him. Didn’t shut up about it for a week,” Isabella laughs. “Hey all, look who’s here.”

Lizzy giggles when she sees both Carver and Merrill blushing as their eyes meet. _They are so freaking cute and too dang oblivious_ , she thinks to herself.

“Lizzy,” Alistair lights up when he sees her. “You’re here!”

“Merrill invited me, I hope that’s ok?” She bites her lip and looks down.

“Of course it is. I just meant that I should have thought to invite you,” Alistair explains. “Come on, I’ll introduce you.”

Lizzy follows him over to where a few people are talking. “Ok, so you know Leliana already,” he says.

“Good to see you again,” Leliana smiles warmly to her.

“This is Morrigan,” he indicates a tall woman, her black hair pulled back in a tight bun. “She bites so don’t get too close.”

“He’s just worried I’ll tell you all his dark secrets,” Morrigan smirks and shakes Lizzy’s hand. “Like how his mother was a hamster.”

“Lies,” Alistair acts offended.

“I have pictures to prove it,” Morrigan replies calmly.

“Lies,” Alistair mouths to Lizzy who giggles in return. “Oghren, this is Lizzy.”

Oghren belches and then nods to her.

“We don’t let him out in public much,” Alistair explains. “And finally my roomate, Zevran,” Alistair indicates a rather attractive elf with long blonde hair and facial tattoos.

“Ah, the cookie lady. We meet at last,” Zevran takes her hand and places a kiss on the back of it.

Lizzy can feel herself blushing in response. “Does everyone know about those cookies?”

Alistair shrugs, “They were really good. And you’ve met Bruiser before,” he says as he pets his mabari.

“Of course. Hello again, Bruiser. Nice to finally have a name to put with your cute face,” Lizzy coos at the dog who rubs his head on her leg and then trots off to see Merrill.

“He likes you,” Alistair smirks.

“Ok everyone, for those of you that are new,” Leliana winks at Lizzy, “here’s how it works. Everyone’s name is in the hat. The name drawn gets to pick the game for the night. Carver, since you were winner last time, you draw the name.”

Nothing happens, and Leliana sighs. “Carver!”

He jumps, having apparently been distracted watching Merrill who is petting Alistair’s dog. He looks flustered. “Oh, right, yeah.” He reaches into the hat and pulls out a name. “Bela.”

Alistair leans down and whispers in Lizzy’s ear, “Never have I ever.”

She turns to ask him what he’s never done when Isabella shouts out, “Never have I ever!!”

“See,” Alistair chuckles.

Lizzy is unsure what it is they mean, assuming it’s a game and hoping they will explain the rules so she doesn’t look stupid. She starts fidgeting with her shirt as people grab bottles of liquor and glasses and start making their way to the floor where a haphazard circle seems to be forming. They’re all going to figure out how clueless and awkward she is and laugh, she just knows it. _This was a bad idea. Why’d she let Merrill talk her into this?_

“Have you played before?” Alistair whispers to her as he leans over to grab the bottle of rum Lizzy brought and two glasses.

Lizzy shakes her head and tries to look casual while also fighting away anxious tears.

“It’s really easy,” Alistair explains after looking around to see no one else is near. “Someone will say something they’ve never done. If you’ve done it before, you take a shot. If you haven’t you do nothing. Like ‘Never have I ever pet a dog.’ You’ve pet Bruiser, so you’d take a shot.”

“So how do you win?”

“It’s really just about laughing and drinking. I guess being the last one not passed out,” he shrugs and laughs as he leads them over to an open spot in the circle.

Lizzy takes a space between him and Merrill, who instantly latches onto her.

“Carver asked if I want to go to the diner for something to eat after this,” Merrill whispers.

“So say yes,” Lizzy playfully elbows her.

“Ok, you think I should?” Merrill looks at Carver out of the corner of her eye.

“Yes,” Lizzy laughs.

Merrill nods and then leans over towards Carver whispering something to him. He gets a huge grin on his face and looks like he’d just won the lottery.

“She is oblivious to how much he likes her,” Lizzy says quietly to Alistair as she leans near him.

“You don’t know the half of it,” Alistair chuckled. “He doesn’t even like coffee.”

“He doesn’t? He buys a cup multiple times a day every time she’s working!”

“Yeah, and then I have to drink it. I finally made him start getting decaf because I couldn’t sleep.”

Lizzy covers up her laughter, feeling the tears start to trickle. Looking at Alistair doesn’t help as he’s also laughing just as hard.

“You two going to share the joke?” Oghren asks.

“Nope,” Lizzy shakes her head.

“She probably just realized Alistair can’t pat his head and rub his stomach at the same time,” Morrigan adds.

Alistair proceeds to do just that. “Ha,” he says at his triumph.

“Oh, you showed me,” Morrigan raises an eyebrow. Alistair stops what he’s doing, realizing it was just to get him to look silly.

“Alright, let’s start,” Leliana says, acting as the ‘Master of Ceremonies’ it appears. “Never have I ever...ridden on a horse.”

Oghren, Zevran and Morrigan all drink. Lizzy is happy to see that for the first one, she’s not the only one that hasn’t done what was called out.

Morrigan goes next, “Never have I ever been tied up during sex.”

Lizzy giggles and is relieved again to see she’s not the only one drinking as Isabela, Merrill and Zevran all slam a shot. She notices Carver turning beet red and trying to hide his embarrassment when he notices Merrill drinking. She’s sure he’s having some impure thoughts as he squirms.

“Never have I ever,” Isabela starts, “had sex.”

Everyone but Alistair drinks. He shakes his head and looks unsurprised. “She likes to do that whenever there’s a new person,” he explains to Lizzy and then speaks louder as he addresses Isabela. “I still know how to make a woman’s toes curl, and you’re not following the rules, unless you’re a born again virgin, so try again.”

“Fine. Never have I ever had sex on a motorcycle.”

Lizzy, Merrill, Zevran and Leliana all drink. This time both Carver and Alistair blush.

“Really?” Alistair blinks at her. “How does that...I mean it sounds dangerous.”

“It wasn’t moving,” Lizzy laughs, feeling the effects of the rum.

“Oh, right,” Alistair coughs as he blushes again and looks away. Lizzy decides he’s cute when he blushes, which is good given how often he seems to do it.

The round continues, some ‘nevers’ are tame, others pretty risque. When it’s Lizzy’s turn she tries to think what she can say that won’t give away how little she’s actually experienced in life. “Never have I ever, um,” she pauses and then comes up with something that makes sense with her being new to Denerim, “been to the Fort Drakon memorial.”

Everyone else drinks and Merrill chirps excitedly, “Oh, you and I will go, it’ll be so much fun. You’ll come too, right Carver?” She’s clearly feeling no pain from the tequila she’s been downing.

“Um, uh, sure,” Carver stumbles to agree quickly.

“It’s definitely something to check out, you’ll love it,” Alistair reassures her.

The game continues for a while, until it just devolved into people talking.  The room seems a bit fuzzy to Lizzy. Looking at the bottle of rum she and Alistair have been sharing, she can see why as the bottle is nearly empty. Carver pulls up his phone and taps an app to call a ride for him and Merrill to go grab some food. Isabela and Zevran have already taken off for one of the spare rooms together, Oghren has passed out and Leliana is strumming a guitar and sitting on the couch. Morrigan has already left with a man she’d introduced as Aidan Cousland, her fiance.

“Want a tour?” Alistair asks as he stands up and holds out his hand to help Lizzy stand.

“Sure,” she smiles and follows him. Bruiser gets up and follows as well, pushing his head onto Lizzy’s hand clearly looking for her to pet him.

“Oh, wow,” her eyes get big as they enter what was clearly at one point a formal kitchen. There’s a restaurant quality oven, a six-burner stove and a double door fridge. The kitchen is almost as big as her entire apartment. “This is amazing.”

Alistair grins wide, “I figured you’d like this, seeing as you’re going to be going to culinary school, right?”

Lizzy nods. “I’d love to cook on this sometime,” she says as she adoringly runs her hand along the stove.

“Oh, well sure. You’re welcome to come cook here anytime. Provided you make enough for me too,” he chuckles.

“Deal,” she is practically bouncing with excitement from it.

“Come on, there’s more,” Alistair waves her on. “Down this hall are the guest rooms. If you need to crash tonight, take your pick, there’s plenty.”

“Thanks,” she says trying to pretend she can’t hear the moans coming from whatever room Zevran and Isabela are occupying. Her mind not-so-helpfully reminds her of Alistair saying how he knew how to _make a woman’s toes curl_ without sex and it tries to fill in how that could be.

The next room he shows her is a large library. Every wall is from waist-level to ceiling shelves filled with books. There’s also two comfy looking chairs, and a table. “Here, I wanted to show you something,” he waves her over to a book on the table. “I finally figure out why you looked so familiar.”

“You did?”

“Yes. Do you know the story of the end of the Fifth Blight?” he asks as he flips through the book. “Specifically about the hero of the blight?”

“Only a little bit,” she tries to remember what she learned in history class years ago.

“Here it is. The hero was Lily Amell. Maybe a long lost relative of yours? Anyway, here’s a portrait of her likeness,” he turns around the book to face Lizzy.

She looks at the painting of a woman looking at her, girl really. She looks even younger than Lizzy, who is 23. She has straight brown hair down to nearly her waist. Her eyes in the painting look green instead of Lizzy’s brown, but her chin and nose look much like her own. Even the shape of the Hero’s eyes look like Lizzy’s. She can see why she’d remind Alistair of the painting.

“I see the physical resemblance, but I’m nothing like her.”

“Sure you are,” Alistair sounds pretty sure of himself.

“No,” Lizzy shakes her head. “She was brave, and heroic.”

“You moved to a city you don’t know, where you know no one else to chase your dreams. Seems pretty brave to me,” Alistair explains. “I think you’ve got more Lily in you than you think.”

“She’s beautiful,” Lizzy says as she runs her hand on the page.

“Yes,” Alistair agrees. When Lizzy looks up he’s watching her and then immediately looks away and coughs as if embarrassed. “Ok, one more cool thing to show you.”

“This place is huge. The book business must be good,” Lizzy feels self conscious at how little she has compared to this place.

“Business is ok, but this place was in the family. It belonged to my father, and I inherited it a few years ago when I turned twenty-one,” Alistair explains. “It’s been passed down for generations. No money, just the house.”

“So, he died then?” Lizzy frowns. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh, it’s alright,” Alistair smiles. “I was four when he passed.”

“So then what happened to you?” She wonders if they have more in common then she had thought.

“Well, I was sent to a group home, but then a family friend adopted me after I had been there a short time. His name is Duncan, but he’s pretty much just ‘Dad’,” Alistair explained.

“Oh,” Lizzy nods realizing they didn’t have as much in common as she had thought.

“How about your parents?”

“Dead,” Lizzy answers. “I lived in a home.” She purposely keeps her answers vague.

“Oh,” Alistair frowns, understanding the implication that she hadn’t been as lucky as him.

Lizzy nods and follows him as he leads her into a room that appears to be for games. There’s a foosball table and a full size pool table. “Oh, pool,” she squeals delighted.

“You play?” Alistair is thankful for her change in mood.

“Yes. I can kick your ass sometime if you’d like,” she teases.

“You can try,” Alistair chuckles. “That’s not what I wanted to show you though. No one else knows, this is a secret, so shh.” He puts his finger to his lips. Lizzy nods as he does and crosses her heart with her finger.

“Ok, stand over there,” he points near the pool table as he walks over towards the far wall.

“Here?” she asks as she moves to where she thinks he pointed.

“No, the trap door is over another foot,” he waves her to the right.

“What?” she jumps away. Alistair starts laughing hard enough that he has some tears in his eyes. “Jerk,” she says without any venom in her voice as she realizes he was teasing.

“Sorry, couldn’t resist. Anywhere there is fine, it’s just being there gives you the best view,” he then pulls on a candlestick. As if they were in an old movie, the wall quietly slides over to the side, revealing a small room behind it.

“Wow,” she says silently.

“Cool, right?” He beams. “There’s one in my bedroom and the library too. Sort of left over from the days of swords and shields. Kind of an ancient panic room.”

“This is awesome,” she is now standing next to him, looking at the room closer. There’s a chair and a lamp in the room.

“I made them all like a little hide-away. Sort of a place to completely get off the grid I guess,” he chuckles and pulls the lever closing the wall back up. “But don’t tell anyone. I sort of like having a place all to myself, even when the house is full of people.”

“Sure. Thank you for trusting me with this,” she looks up and suddenly realizes how close they are.

“Are you ok?” He asks as he notices her looking odd.

“Um, uh…” her brain remembers again what he’d said during the game.

“Lizzy?”

“Sorry,” she looks down.

“Come on, tell me,” Alistair playfully pushes her arm.

“I was just thinking of...something you had said,” she can feel her face burning.

“Not something embarrassing I hope. I did have a lot to drink after all,” Alistair wonders what it was that he said that has her looking nervous. He tries to play back the evening, but much of it is an alcohol infused blur. He bites his lower lip hoping it wasn’t something too awful. He’s finding he enjoys her company, and would kick himself if he’s managed to scare her off already.

“No, nothing bad, I promise,” her eyes search his face, for what, he wished he knew.

“But you’re not going to tell me what?” he raises an eyebrow.

“Nope,” she smirks and heads back off to return to the rest of the party. Bruiser starts to follow her.

Alistair smiles and gets a warm feeling at that. Bruiser doesn’t usually take to new people so quickly. In the two years Alistair was with Lyna, his dog only seemed to tolerate her. Alistair wonders what it is about her that’s managed to captivate both owner and dog so quickly as he walks off to join the others.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just as Lizzy seems to be getting a little closer to Alistair, she makes a big misstep, and his overreaction doesn't help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey, sorry I didn't realize it had been so long since I'd posted up a chapter. I keep rereading this one and tweaking it and I finally have to just stop and put it here so hopefully it's ok <3 
> 
> Also had my 3 month check (still 3 more months of chemo left) and it looks like things are responding to the chemo as there's some shrinking of the tumors :)

As much as she missed her roommates, there were advantages to living along. For example, Lizzy _loved_ being able to sit on her couch stretched out completely and watch whatever she wanted without anyone to complain of her choice of action movies or demand a spot on the couch. She is taking advantage of that freedom right now. Class starts in another week so she’s trying to enjoy the quiet time while she still can. She cheers as she watches the hero dive from a hail of bullets. Her cheering is interrupted by an incoming text on her phone.

**Alistair:** What do you call a sad cheese?

_I don’t know, what?_

**Alistair:** Blue cheese

_That’s awful_  

She goes back to her movie. As much as the date with Vaughn sucked, she found some good friends as a result. She’s loves Morrigan’s sarcastic sense of humor, has discovered that despite his flirtatious nature, Zevran is actually pretty deep, and that Isabela and Leliana are more normal than she thought they’d be. She has also found that she clicks pretty well with Alistair and that he’s pretty easy to talk to. He doesn’t take himself too seriously. She’s also pretty sure that he has never looked in the mirror because he seems clueless to how attractive he is.

**Alistair:** Know what makes me smile?

_What?_

**Alistair:** Facial muscles

Unfortunately, he has an awful sense of humor. She decides answering will only encourage him so she doesn’t reply.

**Alistair:** Guess who I saw today?

_Who?_

She is grateful he seems to be stopping with the jokes

**Alistair:** Everyone I looked at.

Lizzy sighs. Apparently he wasn’t done.

_Horrible_

As her movie ends she starts channel surfing to look for something new to watch.

**Alistair:** What’s a dragon’s favorite snack?

This time she decides to try not answering.

**Alistair:** A firecracker.

_Don’t make me block you._

She laughs as she hits send.

**A:** You coming out with us tomorrow?

_Yeah, Isabela called, she’s picking me up. See you then._

**A:** Night

_Night_

She puts down her phone and finds a cooking show. She falls asleep before the chef on the television has pulled the food from the oven.

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“Have you ever played mini golf before?” Isabela asks her as they are all picking out their putters and golf balls.

“Actually I won a local contest for it in Calenhad,” Lizzy beams with pride.

“I call dibs,” Morrigan chimes in.

“Did you just call dibs on me?” Lizzy laughs. “You know I’m a person, right?”

“Yes, and my partner,” Morrigan links her arm with Lizzy’s.

“So wait, you’re choosing her over me?” Aidan mocks insult.

“Yes,” Morrigan nods.

“But, I’m your _boyfriend,_ ” Aidan pouts.

“And you’re also horrible at minigolf. I want to to win so I'm sticking with the pro here. You're stuck with Alistair," Morrigan replies with flip of her hair as she grabs Lizzy's arm tighter.

“Why does that sound like I’m a punishment?” Alistair raises an eyebrow.

“If the shoe fits,” Morrigan shrugs her shoulders.

Isabela pairs off with Leliana while Zevran is paired with his date, another elf named Tamlen.

“Zevran’s partnering with his date,” Aidan points out to Morrigan.

“Zevran’s trying to get laid, as usual,” Morrigan rolls her eyes. “I suspect he’d even be willing drink dwarven ale if his date asked him.”

Aidan makes a face to indicate he dislikes dwarven ale a lot. “Fine, I’ll play with Alistair.”

“Someone should,” Morrigan chuckles.

“HEY!” Alistair frowns but winks at Lizzy when Morrigan turns away, showing he isn’t really upset. Lizzy giggles in response and feels her cheeks warm.

Lizzy puts her ball down and eyes the current hole to figure out the best path. She takes her shot and holds her breath as the ball goes through the legs of the fake druffalo, bounces off a rock and plops into the hole. She cheers as Morrigan claps.

“Great shot, partner,” Morrigan pats her on the back.

“Thanks,” Lizzy blushes.

The rest go, and, sadly, Morrigan was not exaggerating about how bad Alistair was. The next two holes don’t go any better.

“Buy me a slice of pizza after this and I’ll give you some tips,” Lizzy whispers.

“Maker, you absolutely have a deal,” Alistair whispers back gratefully.

Lizzy shows him how she holds the club, and watches as he mimics her hands. “Thumb out more,” she tells him.

“Are you showing Alistair how to handle his shaft?” Morrigan snarks as she raises an eyebrow, leaning close to Lizzy.

“Shut it,” Lizzy playfully elbows her. Morrigan scowls at her fun being ruined and then goes back to talking to Aidan.

“Ok,” Lizzy nods when Alistair seems to have the grip right. She walks behind him, “Move your stance out just a little,” she kicks at the inside of his feet gently until he’s in position. “Ok and bend down just enough for your putter to hit the middle of the ball. Look at where you want the ball to go, not where it is, and swing.”

He does and while it’s not a hole in one, it lands close enough that he gets it in another shot.

“Thanks,” he smiles at her as he picks up the golf ball and walks out of the course to allow Zevran to shoot.

She bends her head down as she smiles, trying to hide behind her hair. “I don’t show those secrets to just anyone.”

“Well then I feel special,” Alistair chuckles. “Well worth the slice of pizza.”

They all gather at the food court inside the arcade after the round of golf, which Morrigan and Lizzy won by several strokes.  Alistair sits down beside Lizzy and hands her a plate with the promised slice of pepperoni pizza and a soda.

“So are you feeling ready to start school?” He asks her.

Lizzy nods as she chews on the bite of pizza. She takes a sip of her soda and then answers, “A little nervous but excited too.”

“You’ll do great if those cookies are any indication,” Alistair reassures her. “And Zev and I are happy to be your test market if you need to try anything out.”

“Good to know,” Lizzy laughed in response.

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A few days later, Lizzy enters the kitchen filled with two dozen others, all dressed in the same white chef’s jacket as her and all looking just as nervous. She finds an open work station where a variety of bowls and other chef’s tools are laid out.

As she waits with the other students, she finds she has no idea what to do with her hands. She tugs at her chef’s jacket and fidgets. Two other students approached the table as they were talking with each other. The elf takes a seat across from her while the dwarf takes the empty seat to Lizzy’s right.

“Hi,” the dwarf smiles at Lizzy. She has hair dyed blue and pulled back into a ponytail. “I’m Sereda. This here is Darrian.” She indicates her companion. His green eyes matched his hair. Lizzy immediately thinks how if she got them together with Merrill, they’d practically have a rainbow.

“I’m Lizzy,” she returns the smile. “Nice to meet you.”

Darrian nods but says nothing, soon looking at his hands.

“He’s really shy at first, give him some time,” Sereda explains.

“He talks to you,” Lizzy whispers back.

“Yeah, but I’ve known him since we were babes,” Sereda laughs. “Get a drink in him and he won’t shut up. Won’t you, D.”

Darrian just chuckles but still says nothing.

The door at the other end of the room opens and a tall woman in a chef’s uniform walks in, her hair back in a large bun. Even though she looks serious, her eyes shine with warmth.

“Ladies and Gentlemen,” she speaks in a bright Antivan accent, “welcome to your first day of Culinary school. We are going to dive right in today with something fun and easy - puff pastries with a vanilla creme.”

An hour later Lizzy is covered in flour, looking down in pride at the creme puffs she created. The excitement carries her through the next class, “Food Safety”, which is less exciting than actually cooking, but just as important, she comes to understand quickly.

Lizzy looks at her phone as the bell rings ending the class. She has two hours until her next class, and decides that taking her lunch in the park to enjoy the sunny weather would be perfect.   
Ten minutes later she is sitting on a bench watching people jog by while others play frisbee in a nearby field. She absentmindedly chews on her sandwich as she people watches. She’s not really paying attention, dreaming of having her own shop. She is pulled from her thoughts by a nudge on her leg.

She looks down to see a mabari looking up at her, his paw being what nudged her leg. After a moment she realizes she knows this dog.

“Hey, Bruiser,” she giggles and pets the dog’s head. She looks up and sees Alistair jogging in her direction. Her mouth goes dry as she notices he’s not wearing a shirt. She knew he was muscular from seeing his arms, but without a shirt on she gets her first view of his torso. It looks as if he’s been chiseled from marble. Lizzy lets out a slow breath, enjoying the sight of him and wonders what it would feel like to rest her head along his chest while her fingers ran along the trail of hair on his lower abdomen.

“It’s not nice to go running off,” he playfully scolds the dog as he approaches her. Alistair turns his smile to her as he continues, “I should have guessed it was you from the way he took off. I’ve never seen him take to someone so quickly like he has with you.”

“Well in that case, I’m honored,” Lizzy winks at Bruiser, who lies down and rests his head on her shoe.

“I was going to text you later to see how day one went,” Alistair sits beside her on the bench and rests his elbows along the back. “I didn’t expect to see you during my run.”

Lizzy looks away to stop herself from ogling him and instead concentrates on her lunch. “Well it’s still going on, I’m just on a lunch break. So far it’s good though. Oh, here,” she opens up the box beside her. “I made these earlier.”

Alistair plucks a creme puff from the box and closes his eyes as he savors it, “I can see that being your friend is going to be dangerous for my waistline.”

“Well, if it’s a problem, I could just give the baked goods to Fenris next time,” she teases.

“Don’t you dare,” Alistair gives a look of mock-offense and snaches another puff. “I’m meeting up with Iz, Leliana and Zev tonight. Why don’t you come out, we can drink a toast to your first day at school?”

While she’s sure she’ll be tired from the day, the thought of having some time with her new friends is enough to make her not care about sleep. “Sure,” she nods.

“Great, I’ll text you the address for the bar,” he looks at his phone and stands up. “Sorry to run off, I need to get a shower and head off for an appraisal. See you tonight then.”

“See you,” Lizzy smiles back, watching him jog off. Bruiser gives her hand a lick and then takes off after his master.

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Lizzy checks the address on her phone and then looks up at the sign to confirm she has the right place--”The Pearl”.  She enters it and is happy to find she isn’t underdressed in the jeans and black t-shirt she is wearing. She had worried that the type of place semi-famous musicians would hang out in would be more along the lines of a place like ‘Vigil’s Keep’. Instead she found a bar that was cozy - with wooden high top tables, dart boards, and a jukebox blaring classic rock. She searches the room and finds her friends at a table in the back. She orders a beer from the waitress passing by and then makes her way to their table.

“Hey,” everyone welcomes her as she takes the empty seat beside Leliana. Isabela and Zev sit across from her, with Alistair at the far end, between Leliana and Isabela.

“Alistair was just telling us how much he enjoys your creampuffs,” Zevran smirks in a suggestive way.

Lizzy laughs hard and takes a sip from her beer when the waitress places it in front of her. She notices Alistair turning pink out of the corner of her eye.

“So how was your first day, college girl?” Isabela asks as she grabs a cheese stick from the plate in the middle of the table.

“Thrilling, and a little scary and overwhelming. I didn’t realize there’d be so much for me to need to learn,” Lizzy takes a jalapeno popper from the plate and leans back in her seat.

“I’m sure you’ll do amazing,” Alistair comments.

“Well I volunteer if you need a taste tester,” Isabella winks.

“Same,” Leliana chimes in, clinking her bottle with Lizzy’s.

"I need to sample your _creampuffs_ and see if they're as _tasty_ as Alistair says," Isabela waggles an eyebrow.

"Maker," Alistair turns red at his friend's teasing.

“Got it -- cook for friends. Noted,” Lizzy chuckles. “Maybe we can have a dinner party in a few weeks.”

“I’m afraid we’ll have to delay a bit,” Isabela sighs.

“Why? What’s up?” Lizzy suddenly notices everyone looking at each other like they are playing ‘keepaway’ with a secret.

“Well go on, you already said too much,” Zevran teases Isabela.

“What I tell you doesn’t leave the table,” Leliana gives her a look that makes Lizzy feel like she wouldn’t want to find herself in a dark alley with the redhead. Lizzy nods and takes a drink for courage. “We’re about to head into the studio.”

“You mean a new album?” Lizzy asks excitedly, struggling to keep her voice low. Leliana nods. “So who will be playing drums?”

“The beautiful elf before you,” Zevran winks.

“OMG, that is so cool,” Lizzy squeals.

“Did you just actually say ‘OMG’?” Isabela laughs playfully.

“I think it’s cute,” Alistair comes to her defense.

“Of course you do, handsome,” Isabela reaches over and pats his leg affectionately.

“So, can I ask a question?” Lizzy’s eyes move between them all.

“Shoot,” Leliana gives her a friendly smile.

“What really happened with Lyna? I mean I heard the rumors about her wanting to go solo but did you really kick her out for that?” Lizzy is buzzing. As much as she was a fan of the band as a whole, Lyna was her favorite.

“We don’t talk about her,” Leliana looks away.

“I promise I won’t tell. But you three were so good together. Why would you kick her out just because she wanted to do solo work?”

“That’s not the case…” Isabela started to explain.

“I mean she’s amazing, and I’m sure Zevran’s great too, but isn’t there any chance of a reconciliation? I mean imagine how excited everyone would be if you surprise them with the old band back on the album. I mean you three were together forever, started from nothing. It’d…”

Her excited rambling is interrupted by the sound of a chair scraping across the floor and she sees Alistair heading out the door without a word to anyone.

“You owe him an apology,” Leliana raises an eyebrow. Lizzy looks around the table and Isabela and Zevran nod, backing Leliana.

Lizzy feels ashamed. She doesn’t know what she did wrong but she worries whatever it is, she just lost the few friends she had in this city. Her stomach is in complete knots, the happiness and lightness from just a few moment ago replaced with a rock in her gut. She finds Alistair about twenty feet from the tavern door looking up at the sky, his hands in his jeans pockets.

“Alistair,” she reaches for his arm but pulls her hand back when she sees how angry he looks.

“Look, I get it. You’re a fan. To you this is the stuff of tabloids and rumors. But this isn’t some story in a book. Everything that happened, it was real life. We’re real people, and we have real feelings. She was my girlfriend. Did it ever occur to you that the fact that she’s not anymore might be related? Did it occur to you that what happened isn’t any of your damned business?” He turns and storms off without waiting for her response. It’s evident he’s too pissed off to actually have a conversation.

She tries to tell herself he’ll calm down and they can talk then, but as she watches him dart across the street and into the darkness her heart falls. She can feel the tears threaten to well up. She knew she’d screw this up. Her old roommates were right, she’d never succeed in Denerim. Barely a month here and she’d already managed to alienate the first friends she’d made that weren’t other ‘Circle kids’. Lizzy gulps, trying to keep from crying. She closes her eyes and tries to will the tears back into her head.

“Mi amiga,” she turns and sees Zevran standing by the door. He walks up to her when she turns around and offers her a hug when he is nearer.

“I’m sorry, Zev.” Lizzy sniffles.

“I know. I have an idea of how to apologize. I will share this with you if you allow me to walk you home,” he offers up his arm as he speaks.

Lizzy nods and links her arm with his, letting him lead the way.


	5. Chapter 5

He sits staring at the words on his phone --

 _I’m sorry_.

Lizzy had sent it maybe twenty minutes after he’d yelled at her and ran off like an immature child. At first he hadn’t replied because he was afraid he’d say even more things he’d regret. Now it had been eighteen hours and it feels like maybe he’d waited too long. He keeps replaying how he’d yelled at her in his head over and over. There was no way she didn’t hate him by…

“Seriously, are you in there?”

“Huh,” Alistair blinks and looks up at Carver waving a hand in front of his face.

“I was asking your advice on where to take Merrill tomorrow night, but you look like you didn’t hear a word I said,” Carver teases.

“I’m probably the last person that should give you advice on anything to do with women,” Alistair sighs.

“Are you alright?” Carver raises an eyebrow.

“I yelled at Lizzy last night,” Alistair grimaces. Just saying the words out loud hurts and he feels shame spreading in his chest as he admits to what he did..

“What? I thought you liked her…”

“Who told you that?”

“No one. I have eyes. It’s not like you’re good at being subtle. Well at least that explains it.”

“Explains what?”

“Why she looked so upset when I was at the shop earlier. I thought maybe she failed a test or something,” Carver gestures to the cups beside Alistair.

“I’m such a jerk,” Alistair puts his head on the desk and hides under his arms. Bruiser lets out a bark beside him as if to agree.

“Well then fix it,” Carver replies. “Tell her you’re sorry. I recommend having a gift too, seems to work for my brother and his brooding elf.”

“A gift,” his tries out the words on his tongue as if a novel concept. “But what?”

“What about, oh I don’t know...a book,” Carver holds his arms out indicating the hundreds of books on their shelves, a smirk growing on his face. “And if she doesn’t accept your apology, she can always throw it at you.”

“I’d deserve it,” Alistair sighs, oblivious to the joke Carver had been trying to make. She probably will throw it. He feels like he wants to cry...again.

“Ugh. You’re depressing.” Carver throws his thumb over his shoulder towards the front door, “Go for a run, I’ll watch the store.”

“Yeah, maybe it’ll help,” Alistair nods, and heads to the back room to change.

As he enters the park he finds a tree to push against and starts stretching.

His mind flashes the images of tears brimming in her eyes from last night. He takes a deep breath and tries to redirect his thoughts.

_“We’re through,Lyna,” Alistair hands her a box of everything of hers he could find in his house._

_“Alistair, I’m sorry,” Lyna cries, messy tears running down her face as she sniffles._

_“Sorry can’t fix things. Not this time. Just leave,” he points towards the front door._

Alistair shakes his head to erase the memory and takes another deep breath. “Let’s go boy,” he calls to Bruiser as he puts his earbuds in and starts off on his usual path through the park.  He likes to run, the fresh air, sun and the classical music in his ears all help to quiet his mind and soul. As he moves through the park he can feel all the tension from earlier slowly lift off his shoulders. He looks at his phone and realizes he’s been running nearly forty minutes. He glances down and notices that Bruiser is panting.

“Sorry, boy,” he says as he takes out the earbuds and heads towards a nearby bench.  He pulls out the collapsable bowl he has and pours some of his water in it, then puts it on the ground to let Bruiser rehydrate. He pulls his shirt off, feeling sweaty now that he’s stopped running and wipes his face with it. “Let’s call it a day.”

“Any better?” Carvers asks while ringing out a customer.

“A little, thanks,” Alistair nods as he heads towards the back.  He got some teasing from his friends when he had a shower installed near his office in the bookstore, but it’s been so handy being able to use it instead of having to head home just to shower off after a run.

He tussles his hair with a towel as he sits on his chair after his shower and lets out a sigh, still thinking of too many things at once.  He looks at the picture on his desk of him and his dad at his dad’s retirement party and picks up the phone.

_“Hello.”_

“Dad, you have a minute?”

_“Alistair? Of course. It’s just Thom over watching the game. Is everything ok?”_

“He avoiding his wife?” Alistair chuckles.

_“Yeah. Ever since he retired she’s decided he has time to do a million repairs on the house. I mean he does, but he needs a beer on occasion too. I’m guessing that’s not what you called about though.”_

“I need some advice.” Just hearing his dad’s voice already feels calming. He knows his dad will never steer him wrong.

_“Shoot.”_

“It’s about Lizzy. Last night she brought up Lyna and I blew up at her. I know I should apologize but I don’t know what to say.”

_“I’m sorry usually works pretty well, son.”_

“I mean about Lyna. I mean I like Lizzy, I don’t want this to ruin things.”

_“Ah. Well have you told her about all that yet? Maybe if you did, she’d understand why you got so upset.”_

“Not really. I mean I don’t even want to think about it, much less talk about it.”

_“Well then, I think that’s your answer. If you’re not ready to talk about Lyna then you’re probably not ready to start something new. I think it’s best to at least be honest with her in that aspect.”_

Alistair frowns into the phone, “And if she starts seeing someone else?”

_“Then that’s what happens.  If you care about her then you’ll want her to be happy. If you’re not ready for something, then it’s not fair to either of you to start a relationship, but it’s also not fair for you to expect her to just sit around waiting either. Things aren’t always fair when it comes to romance, my boy.”_

Alistair sighs, “Thanks, Dad. I have some thinking to do.”

_“Anytime, you know that. I love you.”_

“Love you too. Bye.”

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Alistair opens the door to his house, tired after a long day, Bruiser excitedly shoving his way past him as soon as it’s open wide enough. “What’s up with you?” He wonders out loud.

He hears Zevran’s voice coming from the kitchen, “I got this one trying to get into the Antivan Crows.”

Alistair sighs hearing Zevran talk about his tattoos. It means he is entertaining someone. Alistair doesn’t really feel like socializing. He especially doesn’t feel like watching someone fawn all over Zevran all night. He is still feeling sullen, and doesn’t need a constant reminder of just how _alone_ he is.

“So you were a Crow, then?” he hears a female voice reply.

“No. I do not know if you’ve ever seen just how angry an Antivan mother can get, but mine hit me with her flip flop and grounded me for pretty much my entire senior year,” Zevran chuckles, his accent thick, telling Alistair his roomate is relaxed, possibly buzzed. His accent always gets thicker when he’s relaxed.

“So, no assassinating for you then?”

Zevran chuckles again, “No. It is hard to play the tough guy when the entire class saw my mother lead me from the school yard by my ear.”

Alistair comes around the corner in time to see the elf lift a bottle of beer to his lips. He is sitting on the counter, his legs swinging slightly as he watches whoever he is speaking to. Either she is very short, or she’s checking the oven since the mystery guest is hidden behind the kitchen island.

“Ah, the man of the hour returns. Welcome home,” Zevran tips his drink towards Alistair and winks.

_Man of the what now?_

The woman behind the island rises up quickly, revealing herself to be Lizzy. The potholders she holds confirms she had been checking the oven. His heart skips a beat while nerves clench in his stomach.

“Um, hi,” she says to him, brushing her hair with her fingers nervously. She’s wearing a grey t-shirt that hugs her just enough to show off her curves. He realizes he is still just staring and not talking when she looks nervously to Zevran, who leaps down from the counter.

“Lizzy is making us dinner. Isn’t that nice of her?” He tilts his head indicating to Alistair he should say _something_.

“Oh, uh. Yes, yes that is I...uh, thank you,” Alistair shuffles his feet. He hadn’t been prepared yet to see her, still mulling over what his dad had suggested. He definitely not ready with what to say.

Lizzy looks at Zevran again and bites her lip before she turns towards the stove to stir something there. Zevran tilts his head towards Lizzy again while looking at Alistair. He raises his eyebrows and mouths ‘A-po-lo-gize’.

“I’ll go set the table,” Zevran announces and then leaves the room.

Alistair runs his fingers through his hair and watches as Lizzy seems to concentrate on not looking at anything but the pot. Alistair approaches and stops beside her.

“Lizzy,” he starts and then feels like even more of a heel when she looks up and he sees the tears starting to form in her eyes. “Hey, no, don’t cry. I’m sorry.” He gently pulls her from her task to wrap his arms around her. “Can you forgive me?” He asks as he rests his head on top of hers, which is laying on his chest.

“You…” she sniffles. “No, it’s me that’s sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for. You just hit a sore spot, it wasn’t your fault. I was a jerk last night, I’m sorry,” Alistair squeezes her again before releasing her as he takes a step back. “Here, I got you this to say I’m sorry.”

She looks at the book he’s handed her and smiles. It’s a well known book - “The Art of Ferelden Cooking”, but when she opens it up, she covers her mouth in surprise. Inside it’s signed by the author, Delilah Howe.

“Alistair, this is...this is too expensive,” she frowns. She remembers how Vaughn had tried to impress her with how much he could buy. She didn’t think Alistair was like that, but maybe…

“No, it’s not...I mean, I know it’s worth a good amount, but I didn’t pay for it. I had taken it in trade for some work I did for someone, so it wasn’t expensive,” he rubs his hands wondering now if he’d misjudged how she’d feel about the gift.

“Really?” she asks as she runs her hand along the book cover.

“Really,” he smiles in return. “Are we...are we ok?”

Lizzy brushes away the tears with the back of her hand as she looks up at him and nods.

“Good. So what are you making?” Alistair leans over to look at the pot.

“Oh no,” Lizzy playfully whacks him with the wooden spoon she’d been using. “It’s a surprise. Go wait with Zev.”

“Yes, Commander,” Alistair salutes while laughing and heads out into the living room. He feels lighter than he has all day, and it’s freeing. “Are you coming?” he calls to Bruiser.

The mabari snorts and lays down on the kitchen floor.

“I think you’re stealing my dog,” Alistair chuckles.

Lizzy smirks, “Well who wouldn’t want to. He’s sweet.” She bends down to pet the dog as she says this. Bruiser wags his tail as way of thanks.

Lizzy sniffles a bit and wipes her face again after Alistair leaves the room. She hopes he was sincere about them being ok. He seemed to be. The past day her stomach was in knots as a result of their fight. Even with Zevran’s assurance that if she came over today to talk, that things would be ok, she still felt like maybe making dinner would help smooth things over. Right this moment was the first time she felt like she could really breath again since last night. She smiles remembering how it felt when Alistair held her.

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Zevran picks up the empty dishes as he stands from the table. “I thank you, bella. This was a breathtaking meal.”

“It was just lasagna, Zev,” Lizzy giggles.

“Breathtaking lasagna,” Zev winks. “And much better than two bachelors usually eat, mi amore.”

“Ah, I forgot I had such a low bar to overcome,” Lizzy replies. She blushes slightly as she notices Alistair seems to be lost in thought while looking in her direction.

“I do believe dinner put him in a coma,” Zevran teases. “I will take care of the dishes, and then I have rehearsal so I’ll see you around soon.”

“Sorry, been a long day,” Alistair chuckles. “Do you want help?” He asks, cleaning up the napkins.

“No, you entertain our lovely chef,” Zevran nods.

“What do you say, do you want to stick around?” Alistair asks as he grabs the bottle of wine from the table and his glass.

“If you’re sure I’m not a bother…”

“Never,” Alistair reassures her, smiling as she grabs her wine glass and follows him to the library. Alistair plops down on the floor near a faux fireplace, and Bruiser circles a few times before laying down a few feet behind his master.

Lizzy stops at the doorway, “Wait, I’ll be right back.”

She returns a minute later with a plate covered in tin foil and takes a spot on the floor near Alistair. As she removes the the foil he laughs upon seeing the cheese cookies there.

“You don’t have to make me those every time you want to say sorry,” he grabs two just the same.

Lizzy shrugs and chuckles. “I figured they worked last time.”

“So how was day two?”

“A little overwhelming to be honest. There’s just so much to learn and this is just the first semester. There’s not just cooking, but math and food safety.” Lizzy smiles as Alistair pours some wine into her glass.

“I have no doubt you’ll do just fine.”

“Well I have you and Zev to practice on.”

“Exactly,” Alistair chuckles. “And don’t forget Bruiser.”

“Well of course. I couldn’t forget my favorite dog.” She giggles as Bruiser wags his tail without looking up. “How long have you had him?”

“About twenty years. My dad got him for me right after he adopted me.” Alistair reaches over and pets the dog’s head.

“Aww, that’s sweet. How old were you?”

“A little over five,” Alistair replied.

“You were adopted pretty young, how old were you when you went in?”

“Four. My parents were in a car accident. I don’t really remember it, but that’s what my dad told me. I sometimes get flashes of a man that I think was my birth father.”

“Do you have any siblings? Oh, sorry, I feel like I’m interviewing you.”

Alistair chuckles, “It’s fine. I have an older half-brother. We don’t talk though. How about you, how old were you?”

“Seven,” Lizzy watches as she fiddles with her glass.

“I’m sorry, how did they…” he stops realizing how insensitive that question is.

“Die?” Lizzy asks. Alistair nods and she shrugs in reply. “Dunno. I just know I got a couple of expensive books as an inheritance six months ago. I guess they forgot to change their will.”

Alistair stops his glass halfway to his mouth. “Wait. They didn’t die when you were seven?”

Lizzy shakes her head and bites her lip still focusing on her glass.

“But why would they...I mean who would...I don’t…”

“I was undesirable. A stain on the family name. They’re nobles, or were, I guess,” Lizzy shrugs again.

“Lizzy?” Alistair tries to catch her eyes which are now hidden by the hair that has fallen in front of her face.

“I hate that name,” she finishes off her wine but still hides her face.

“Lizzy?”

She nods. “That was her...my mother’s name. “

Alistair moves closer, seeing that she’s crying, and puts an arm around her. Lizzy leans her head along his shoulder.

“I told you before you reminded me of the Hero of the Fifth Blight. You really are another Lily.”

Lizzy interlinks her fingers on her right hand with his. “I don’t really think so.”

“No, seriously. I mean you left everything you knew in Calenhad and moved across the country where you knew no one to chase your dreams. Most people wouldn’t be brave enough to do that. You’re definitely a Lily,” he squeezes her fingers between his.

“Maybe you should be my narrator, I like how you tell my story,” Lizzy sniffles, her tears ending.

“And it was then that Lily realized her strength,” Alistair chuckles.

Lizzy tilts her head to look at him. Before she can think twice she closes the distance and presses her lips to his. For a moment it seems like he’s going to kiss her back, but then he pulls away and she can hear him sigh. Lizzy can feel the tears well up again, she presses her hands on her face ashamed that she’d misread things so badly.

“Please, don’t cry,” Alistair tries to gently remove her hands.

“I can’t believe I did that. I’m so sorry.”

“No, it’s alright. I just,” Alistair takes a deep breath. “I’m just not ready for anything yet. Last night should have proved that.”

“I should go,” Lizzy rushes to get out of the room, feeling mortified.

Alistair scrambles after her. They just got things back on track, he doesn’t want to lose her again so soon, “Don’t go. Please. I don’t want the night to end like this. Stay, we’ll watch tv and eat the rest of the cookies.” He looks over at the said cookies and frowns when he sees that Bruiser has taken advantage of the distraction to devour the sweets. “Or just wine I guess.”

Lizzy laughs despite her tears and runny nose. “You don’t have to be nice to me.”

Alistair pulls her into his arms again. “I know, but I like spending time with you. Can we just forget the last ten minutes and go back to having a nice night together?”

Lizzy wipes her tears for the third time that night and nods. She isn’t sure it’s the right decision though until she sees how much Alistair brightens at her acceptance. He picks up their glasses and the rest of the bottle and beckons for her to follow him back to the living room.

While she feels awkward at first, by the end of the first movie that they found to watch she’s cuddled on the couch with her feet resting on his legs. She doesn’t remember falling asleep, but at some point she feels someone place a blanket on her and she falls back into the Fade to dreams of her own restaurant. As she’s falling back asleep she thinks she hears someone say “They were wrong. They were the stain on the family, not you.”

 

 

_artwork by[SangoSweetz](https://sangosweetz.tumblr.com/)_


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lizzy talks to Zev for some insight into Alistair's past.  
> A health crisis causes Lizzy to take a step back and recover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some NSFW below.

Lizzy picks up the mug of coffee that Merril set on the counter and carries it across the cafe, placing it in front of a very exhausted looking elf.

“Can I ask you a question?” She sits down across from him. It’s a slow afternoon in the cafe, so she doubts that Hawke would mind her taking an impromptu break.

“Ka-fe first, Lee-dah.” His eyelids are half open and he’s clearly tired.

Lizzy snickers while he drinks. “Rehearsals go a little too long last night?”

“Si,” Zevran nods. “The life of a rockstar is a hard one.”

“You’re not a star yet,” she teases. “Well, not until the album is out.”

“Don’t worry, mi amiga. I will not forget the little people who bring me my coffee,” he winks. “What is the question you have for Zevran?”

“It’s about Alistair,” Lizzy pulls a napkin from the dispenser on the table and fidgets with it.

“I assumed,” Zevran gives her a kind smile and sips his coffee.

“Something happened last night,” she continues to nervously play with the napkin.

“Something?”

Lizzy lumps on the table, her fingers still clutching the now mangled napkin, sighing, “I kissed him, and well, clearly that was the wrong thing to do. He said basically it’s not me it’s him. Is he just trying to spare my feelings?”

“Ah,” Zevran smirks. “He is still smarting from his last relationship. It’s only been a few months and I think he’s still processing what happened.”

“What did happen?”

“Mmm. I do not think that is for me to share. Let’s just say she was unfaithful and managed to break his heart twice in one move,” Zevran sighs. 

“Oh,” Lizzy frowns realizing how little she really knows about actual relationships. She’s had plenty of sex, but never had an actual boyfriend. The concept of exclusivity isn’t something she’s ever had or really even thought about before.

“Lizzy, can I get some help?” Looking up Lizzy suddenly sees  Merrill surrounded by a large group of college students that must have arrived all at once.

“Oh, sure. Thanks Zev,” she pats his hand and then rushes off to help.

Working in tandem Lizzy rings up the orders, Merrill bustles around the coffee machine making the drinks. Hearing the noise of people, Hawke comes out from the office jumping in bringing the drinks out to the tables, thinning the throng of people around the counter.  The end of the sudden rush in site, most of the students are scattered around the room, books open. It’s clear that, for whatever reason, word got out that the shop is a great place to study. Lizzy’s hand trembles as she takes the cash from the current customer, a sharp pain in her abdomen takes her breath away making her  grab the counter to keep from falling over.

Hawke notices her wincing, “You ok?”

Lizzy takes a deep breath, “Yeah. I just haven’t really felt like eating . Guess my stomach is protesting  I’ll be fine.” the word fine stumbles on her lips as an excruciating sharp pain clutches at her gut Hawk watches in horror as she crumples behind the counter. 

She could hear Merrill calling her name, but she couldn't catch her breath it hurt so bad. Kneeling beside her, Hawke tries to help Lizzy up from the ground, even  the act of trying to sit up makes everything worse . Her eyes blur with tears from the pain making her double over. Pressing her head to the cold tile floor, her vision blurred She can hear people asking if she’s alright and Zevran’s voice talking to emergency services.

soft fingers move her hair from her forehead and run soothingly through it. “It’s ok, help is coming.” Merrill voice attempts to soothe her as she rests Lizzy’s head in her lap. She can hear Hawke shooing everyone from staring over the counter.

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Lizzy awakens and looks around, recognizing the signs of a hospital room. She feels drowsy and her mouth is dry, otherwise she feels very little else. She blinks again trying to remember how she got here. She remembers collapsing at work, but very little after that.

“Next time, just tell me you want the day off. No need for such dramatics.” 

She looks to her right and sees Hawke sitting there, chuckling.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she says barely above a whisper.

“Here,” Hawke stands up and pours her a small cup of water.

Lizzy drinks the cool water and enjoys the feeling of relief it brings to her throat. “What happened?”

“Appendicitis,” a deep voice answers. She turns to see a tall man that she hadn’t noticed before standing near the foot of her bed holding what appears to be her chart. He has long blonde hair pulled back into a tail, and the white coat he wears indicates he’s a doctor. 

“Doctor Graf,” he holds out his hand to shake hers. “Your appendix was very inflamed. We took the sucker out though, so it’ll give you no more trouble, Ms. Amell. You should be up and about again in a few days.”

Lizzy looks at the doctor, fairly sure she’s seen him somewhere before. She’s trying to figure out where but her mind is still too hazy. She notices the door open. Alistair walks in looking harried, and holding some flowers, Zevran, Isabela and Leliana are close behind.

“All looks well, and I see you have company so I will stop back in later to check on you,” the doctor nods to the crowd and heads out.

“I’m going to head back. I left Merrill and Fenris to run things at the shop and I’m not sure which I’m more worried about,” Hawke chuckles. “Let me know when you feel well enough to return, until then, heal up and rest.”

“Thank you, Hawke,” Lizzy says as he leaves. She then turns to her friends with a smile. “Are those for me?”

“Of course,” Isabela nods as Alistair is placing the vase near the window. “How are you feeling?”

“Honestly, very loopy,” she replies and her friends laugh. “You didn’t have to all come out.”

“Pshh,” Leliana waves her off. “Of course we did. You’re drugged up, now’s the perfect time to find out your deep dark secrets.”

Lizzy quickly grabs her cup and tries to hide the worried expression on her face. Only Zevran manages to notice though.

“She only teases. You feel ok though?”

“A little embarrassed, but yeah, ok.”

“Well, we’re just glad everything turned out ok. You gave Zevran a fright,” Alistair chuckles. “When he called me everything was in Antivan. Glad you’re ok, Lily.”

Lizzy laughs in response, and sees Zevran shrug.

“Lily?” Isabela asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Because she’s kickass, like the Hero of Ferelden,” Alistair explains.

“You’re just a nerd,” Isabela shakes her head.

Lizzy shrugs with a smile, “I kind of like it.”

“Carver sends his well wishes, and Bruiser was quite put out that I wouldn’t bring him. I’d feel worse, but he did eat all the cookies last night,” Alistair answers ignoring Isabela. As they’re talking, everyone is pulling chairs around to sit by the bed.

“You feel up to a game of Wicked Grace?” Zevran asks as he pulls a deck of cards from his shirt.

“Sure,” Lizzy nods, smiling at the friends surrounding her. 

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A few hours after everyone has left, Lizzy is flipping through the stations on the television in her hospital room, when it suddenly hits her where she knows her doctor from. She scrambles to find her phone and quickly sends a text.

**To Finntastic:** Been a wild day. Got attacked by my appendix. Resting in the hosp. now

**From Finntastic:** Lizard! Are you ok? Do I need to come?

**To Finntastic:** I’m ok, and I hate that name!  You’ll never guess who my doc is. Hint: he’s a hottie

**From Finntastic:** ???

**To Finntastic:** Do you remember that hot senior mage when we were like 13? Long blonde hair, earring, always in trouble with the Templars for pulling pranks? Set the Chant on fire in the library?

**From Finntastic:** 😲 No!!!  Anders is your doctor? Shit! You are seriously the luckiest girl ever

**To Finntastic:** I know, right? 

**From Finntastic:** Is he still hot?

**To Finntastic:** Very much so

**From Finntastic:** I hate you. Lucky bitch!  Seriously though, get better. I miss you.

**To Finntastic:** Miss you too. Love you Finnsterama

**From Finntastic:** Love you Lizard!

Lizzy rolls her eyes at her friend, but smiles at the affection she feels for him. Even through text she can hear his voice. She settles back against the pillows and settles in, only half watching her show, feeling the effects of the pain meds her nurse gave her kicking in. She hears the phone buzz a new message, but is too drowsy at that point to bother looking to see what Finn has texted.

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“Sorry” was all the text from Finn said and as Lizzy dresses to leave the hospital she wonders what he could be apologizing for. He’s been at work since then, so she knows she has to wait until tonight to find out what he could possibly be apologizing for. She turns at the knock at the door and gives Isabela a smile.

“Thanks for coming to get me,” Lizzy smiles.

“My pleasure. You ready to blow this joint?” Isabela replies.“Maker, yes,” she answers as she sits in the wheelchair the nurse brings.

Isabela helps Lizzy up the stairs to her apartment and it’s then that Lizzy realizes what Finn was sorry about. Sitting outside of her apartment door stands a woman with short brown hair and white lipstick.  _ She always looks so stupid in that color _ , Lizzy thinks to herself.

“Tarohne,” Lizzy smiles at her former roommate.  She doesn’t actually dislike Tarohne, more like she always feels so inadequate around her. Tarohne is cool, always seemed to have a following and never seemed to doubt herself, unlike Lizzy.

“Dear, as soon as Finn told us what happened I knew you’d need help,” Tarohne answers as she takes Lizzy’s other arm to help her into the apartment.

“Bela, this is Tarohne. I know her from Calenhad. Taro, this is Isabela,” she introduces the two.

“Good to see you have help. I was concerned about that,” Isabela shakes Tarohne’s hand. “You good then?”

Lizzy nods as she plops on the couch. The walk up the stairs took a lot out of her. She hears Isabela leave as she starts dozing, only slightly aware of the noises coming from the kitchen. It feels like only moments later that Tarohne is gently shaking her awake.

“Wake up sleepy head,” Tarohne whispers. “You have a visitor, and he’s cuuuuuute.” 

Lizzy stretches, looking forward to seeing Alistair, and frowns slightly when she looks at the door. “That’s my boss,” she informs Tarohne.

“Is he single?”

Lizzy sighs, “No, very much married. And pretty sure his husband hates mages so keep it quiet.”

“The good ones are always taken,” Tarohne shrugs and then waves Hawke in.

“How’s my favorite employee?” Hawke asks as he hands her a card.

“I thought Merrill was your favorite,” Lizzy smirks. “Hawke this is Tarohne. She’s one of my roomates back at Calenhad.”

Hawke shakes Tarohne’s hand and then takes a seat on the couch, “Merrill is Carver’s favorite. So is it good to be back home?”

Lizzy nods as she opens the card to see it’s signed by him, Fenris and Merrill. She can practically hear the cheeriness in Merrill’s ‘Get better soon because it’s just not as fun without you.’ that is surrounded by hand drawn flowers and hearts. It’s even funnier in contrast to Fenris’ note all in block letters request of  her to ‘PLEASE RETURN SOON.’

“This is sweet, thanks. And yes, it’s good to be back in my own place. Everything is ok, right?” she suddenly worries that maybe he’s here to tell her she’s been replaced. “I know you’re down a person…”

“Don’t worry about it, Fenris has been filling in for you,” Hawke informs her.

“With Merrill?”

“Yes. Hence his note,” Hawke laughs. It’s no secret to anyone that isn’t Merrill that her cheeriness grates on Fenris. 

“I feel bad that I’ve left you short…”

Hawke waves his hand, “I told you before, don’t worry about it. Your job is there when you feel up to returning, and don’t try to rush yourself back. Oh, I wanted to give you this,” he hands her an envelope which she opens to find a check.

“What’s this for?”

“Sick pay,” Hawke beams.

“I get sick pay for working part time?”

“Well, uh, maybe not technically but I figured you could use a paycheck anyway,” Hawke rubs his hand on his leg nervously. “I mean I used to live in an apartment not much larger than this with my mother, uncle and two siblings. I know how much a single paycheck can mean.”

“Hawke,” Lizzy’s eyes grow wide. “I...you’re too generous.”

“So Fenris tells me,” Hawke blushes as Lizzy hugs him. “Speaking of which, I better get back before he snaps at Merrill or she tries to put a flower wreath on his head, again.”

“Thanks again, Hawke.”

“Of course,” he turns to Tarohne who is coming out of the kitchen with food. “Take care of her for us.” 

“But of course,” Tarohne answers as she places a sandwich and soup in front of Lizzy. “I know peanut butter and jelly is probably not up to your delicate pallet, but not all of us think ourselves gourmet cooks.”

Lizzy cringed internally at the slight. She’d forgotten how cutting Tarohne’s humor could be at times. “It’s perfect, thanks Taro.”

“Do you still practice or is that too much risk?”

“If I’m alone, yes. I need to still protect myself,” Lizzy answers as she conjures up a ball of energy in response and starts rolling it along her hand--front to back to front again.

“And no one knows?”

“I made friends, I just...it would be too hard here without having some. And if they found out…”

“No, I get it,” Tarohne nods.

Lizzy yawns and realizes that the magic took out more from her than she realized. “I’m sorry.”

“Rest. I’ll just watch tv. I should let the others know I’m here and your home anyway,” Tarohne picks up her cell as Lizzy snuggles back onto the couch with her blanket.

“Thanks again, Taro,” Lizzy yawns.

“You need looking after. This is why you shouldn’t have come out here alone,” Tarohne tells her as she walks out of the room with the phone to her ear.

Lizzy sighs, but the pull of sleep is too strong and she’s passed out within minutes. She has no idea how long she’s been asleep, a gentle touch draws her awake.  Her eyes fluttering open, adjusting to the darkness of the room, she can make out a figure near her but cannot see who it is because of the darkness. The figure is too large to be Tarohne and for a moment her sleep addled mind thinks she’s back in the ‘Circle’. 

“Hey,” she calms instantly at the sound of his voice.

“Alistair?” Lizzy shuffles so that she’s sitting up now.

“Yeah I came to check on you.”

She watches him settle next to her on the couch.

“Where’s Taro?”

“She went out,” his fingers brush through her hair as his thumb brushes her cheek causing a small shiver to run through her.

“Alistair?”

“I was worried about you. I realized I was foolish before,” he moves closer as he speaks, his nose brushing hers. “I want to make up for that.”

His lips touch hers softly at first, but when he sees she’s not pulling away, his kiss becomes stronger. His tongue brushes her lips and Lizzy opens them, feeling another shiver run through her as his tongue brushes hers.  Lizzy’s hands tug at his upper arms and Alistair takes the lead, slowly urging her to lie back down as he crawls over her without breaking the kiss. Alistair lays down between her legs as he leans on his arm placed beside her head. His fingers brush gently along her hairline. She can see his face clearly as he’s looking down at her.

Lizzy can feel him hard against her abdomen and it sets the butterflies in her stomach aflight. She runs her fingertips along his jaw, feeling the light stubble there. Alistair closes his eyes and the most beautiful smile she’s ever seen crosses his face.  Lizzy wraps her legs behind his as she urges him down to kiss her again. Interlacing his fingers with hers, holding their joined hands above her head as they kiss. The weight of his larger body on top of hers excites her, and when his hips move gently against her, as if unsure, she moans.

“Lily,” he whispers as he presses his lips against her neck. He continues the gentle rocking of his hips against hers as he leaves gentle bites against her tender skin. Each touch of his mouth against her sends another wave of sensations through her. Lizzy tightens her grip on his back, wanting him closer.

She moans his name, desperate for more. She can feel the heat pooling at her core and moans again. He responds with a series of soft kisses along her neck as he presses himself against her harder.

She can hear laughter but is unsure from where since it’s just them in the room. She’s having trouble worrying about it though when she feels him start to massage one of her breasts. Lizzy presses up into his hand to encourage him to continue.

“Lily, I…”

Lizzy opens her eyes with a start, bright daylight invading her senses. She blinks and realizes it was all just a dream. Her subconscious tormenting her with images of something that never was.  She looks over where she can hear voices to see Alistair sitting at her small dining table, a mug in front of him while Tarohne sits closer to him than Lizzy would like.

Tarohne puts her hand on Alistiar’s forearm as she laughs at something he said. Lizzy feels a pang of jealousy at the action. She knows she has no right to, Alistair had made it clear he had no interest in anything more than friendship with her, but to see Tarohne touch him so freely hurts. Lizzy stretches and purposely yawns loudly. It has the desired effect as their attention is now drawn to her.

“Hey,” Alistair smiles wide as his eyes meet hers. He rises from the table, seeming to have forgotten all about Tarohne. The frown on the other woman’s face isn’t lost on Lizzy as Alistair joins her on the couch. “How’re you feeling?”

“Ok, a little tired still,” Lizzy can’t help but blush at how close he is, remembering her dream.

“I brought over my game system. I figured being cooped up on the couch wasn’t much fun. I thought I would challenge you to a race,” Alistair waves a controller in the air.

“Do you want to join us?” Lizzy asks Tarohne.

“No,” Tarohne shakes her head as she looks at the two of them curiously. “I have a call to make. I’ll do it in the bedroom.”

Alistair turns on the game and sits back, his arm pressing against hers. “Ready to lose, Lily?”

Lizzy blushes again at him using the name he’d started calling her in the hospital. She finds she’s liking the idea of him having a nickname for her, even if he does mean it just as a way to remind her of her inner strength. 

“You can try, Theirin, but you won’t succeed,” she teases back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I haven't forgotten this fic, I'm still writing. I just got caught up in another one too.
> 
> Anyway I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I wrote this back in May. Then the end of July my own appendix was taken out!! :O  
> Very weird!!!
> 
> Love hearing your feedback. Keep it coming!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alistair struggles with his complicated feelings for Lizzy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I haven't abandoned this!! I just got so busy with life. Have a chapter!! I hope you are still here :D

Lizzy sits looking at the papers in her hand feeling completely defeated. It’s been three weeks since her operation and she is set to return back to the coffee shop. She was excited about it, looking forward to getting out of the house, and then the bills arrived in the morning mail instantly burying her in debt. 

Her friends had all visited while she was on bedrest - Alistair most of all. She really enjoyed his visits. They never did much besides play video games and talk, but the more time she spent with him the more she found she enjoyed being around him. It felt unfair given that he’d been clear he wasn’t ready for anything more than friendship. 

And so it was with a feeling of being overwhelmed that she walks into Champions. She’s pretty sure there’s an actual dark cloud over her. It disappears an instant later when Merrill lets out a delighted squeal and comes running over to her. Lizzy returns the hug, and smiles thinking how no power in the universe can win against Merrill’s cheerfulness.

“I’m so happy to see you. I mean I know I’ve seen you before, but to have you back at work is so wonderful. I’m so happy. Oh, I guess I already said that,” Merrill is bouncing on her toes as she speaks. Over near the counter Lizzy can hear ‘Thank the Maker.’ in a deep voice. She looks over in time to see Fenris heading to the back office, his apron left on the counter.

“I can see that,” Lizzy giggles. “Let’s get stocked up before the rush starts.”

She isn’t sure if it’s because she’s been away a few weeks, or because of midterms coming up, but the rush is killer. Fenris had left before the rush, but Hawke comes up front to help. The three of them were a blur of motion for over an hour.

Lizzy is wiping down the espresso machine as Hawke looks around his packed shop. “This is great. Looks like word is spreading about us.”

“Well you do have the two best baristas,” Lizzy laughs as she puts her arm around Merrill.

“Can’t argue with that,” Hawke nods with a wide smile. “You guys got this?”

“Sure, Hawke,” Merrill nods and he heads back to his office.

“So are you going to be able to make up your time in school?” Merrill asks her as they clean.

“I had a friend from school bring over any assignments. Two of my professors are letting me do make up exams and another gave me a report to write to make sure I understand the reading. The tricky part is the cooking class. Professor Montilyet said she’ll come up with something to help me catch up. I’ll probably have to put in some extra time there.” Lizzy heads over to clear the table after a few people leave.

She looks over when she’s done to see Carver leaving with a coffee cup in hand. He’s walking backwards as if he doesn’t want to stop watching Merrill. Merrill is waving her fingers goodbye and there’s an adorable blush on her cheeks.

“So things are going well with you and Carver? You two are cute,” Lizzy comments.

“Yes, he’s sweet,” Merrill blushes and seems lost in thought for a few minutes. “Oh, we’re nearly out of the lemon tarts. Can you grab more?”

“Sure,” Lizzy smiles and heads off to the back room to do just that. When she comes back up front with the tarts Merrill is ringing in a customer.

“Oh, hey. It’s good to see you’re mending up well. Guess I did a good job.”

Lizzy looks to see who is talking and now it’s her turn to blush when she realizes it’s Anders.

“Doctor Graf,” she tries to will away the heat in her cheeks.

“You’re not my patient anymore, the name is Anders,” he offers his hand which Lizzy takes and returns the handshake.  _ I’m shaking Anders’ hand. Fitz is going to have a cow! _

“Yeah, I k…,” she stops herself not wanting to risk him asking why she would know his first name. “I ah, thanks. It’s good to see you.”   
  
“Good to see you too. Maybe I’ll see you again soon,” he winks as he leaves and Lizzy is proud at how she controls herself enough to not squeal.

After the door closes behind him, Lizzy turns to face Merrill and bites her own lip excitedly.

“Wow. That wasn’t just in my head, right? He was actually flirting?”

Merrill smiles and nods. “I’m pretty sure. But I thought you liked Alistair?”

“He’s made it clear he isn’t interested in a relationship,” Lizzy shrugs and waves as Tarohne enters the cafe.

“So what are we doing for my last night in town?” Tarohne asks.

“Oh you should bring her to game night. It’s my turn to pick the game,” Merrill squeals.

“I don’t know if  _ game night _ is really my thing,” Tarohne says a little harshly.

Merrill doesn’t even seem to notice as she continues, “It’s a lot of fun. We all meet at Alistair’s house and then…”

“It’s at Alistair’s? I’ll go,” Tarohne interrupts excitedly. 

Lizzy frowns slightly feeling a pang of jealousy at Tarohne’s behavior.

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“So what type of games do they play at these things?” Taro asks as she dresses in Lizzy’s apartment.

“It varies each time. At the end of the night they pull a name from a hat and that person gets to pick the game we play next time,” Lizzy replies.

“So tell me who is who.”

“Well you met most of them already. The only people you haven’t met is Carver, Morrigan, Isabela and Leliana. Carver is Merrill’s boyfriend and he works for Alistair. Morrigan and Alistair went to school together. They seem to enjoy antagonizing each other but they’re friends. And well…,” she feels a little nervous remembering how Tarohne used to tease her for the poster by her bed. “So Isabela and Leliana you may recognize but, well, maybe you can not mention  _ how _ you know them?”

“What does that mean?” Tarohne raises an eyebrow.

“Um...remember that poster in my room?”

“Of that band you like?”

“Yeah, so, well they’re two of them.”

“Two of them what? Wait you mean they’re the people in the poster?”

“Yes,” Lizzy nods. “I mean they know I’m a fan before I met them, but it’d be a little embarrassing having them know about that poster.”

“Oh, ok sure,” Tarohne nods. “So, are either of them dating Alistair?”

“No, they’re just friends. Why?”

“So he’s single?” Tarohne puckers her lips as she puts on the white lipstick she’s so fond of.

Lizzy feels herself prickling at the question. “He is but he’s not really interested in dating.”

“Or he just hasn’t met the right person yet,” Tarohne replies as she looks herself over in the mirror.

Lizzy’s lips tighten into a thin line but she says nothing.

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“ Bienvenidas damas,” Zevran opens the door with a flourish. “Bruiser will be delighted you are here, mi amiga.”

“What did he say?” Tarohne whispers.

“It was a compliment,” Lizzy is still feeling hurt at Tarohne’s crush on Alistair and feels no need to tell her that Zev called them beautiful. Her mood lightens as she sees Isabela and Leliana over on the couch. The two of them had been in Orlais meeting with their record company since just after Lizzy’s surgery, and seeing them again makes her forget her annoyance.

“Hey, look at you all up and about. How’re you feeling, kitten?” Isabela throws her arm around her.

“Like me again,” Lizzy chuckles. “Isabela, Leli, this is a friend from where I grew up, Tarohne. Taro, meet Isabela and Leli.”

“It’s nice to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you,” Tarohne smiles but Lizzy catches the underlying threat of her saying more.  “Lizzy, where’s the ladies room?”

Lizzy directs her where to find it and then turns back to her friends. Leliana scoots over a little and pats the spot on the area beside her. Lizzy plops down between her and Isabela.

“So how was your trip?” Lizzy asks.

“It was exciting,” Isabela smirks.

“They’re going to send us on a world tour after the next album,” Leliana whispers. “Hush hush for now, but if it goes right, this is the big break.”

“Oh my god, Leli, Bela, that’s awesome,” Lizzy shakes with excitement.

“Shh,” Isabela laughs. “But yeah, we’re pretty excited too.”

“So when are you going into the studio?”

“Another month. We’re working on writing stuff now. Zev has a few good ones actually,” Isabela  leans back on the chair.

As if sensing he’s being spoken of, Zevran bounds over and plops himself beside Leliana. He hands over a beer to Lizzy. “Have you heard the news?”

“I have. Congratulations,” Lizzy smiles. She loses the smile though as her eyes move across the room. Alistair is talking with Carver and Merrill. Beside him stands Tarohne who seems to be hanging on his every word and touching his arm every few seconds. Alistair doesn’t seem to be stopping her. 

Deciding she can’t sit and watch them flirt anymore, she excuses herself from the couch and heads into the kitchen. Behind her she hears the ‘click-click’ of nails on the wooden floor and she sits on the floor. Bruiser gives her a small whine and then lays down, placing his head on her lap to welcome pets.

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Alistair watches as Lizzy heads to the kitchen and wonders if he should follow. He’s been trying to catch her eye since she arrived, but the one time he found her looking his way she looked upset. 

“Aidan’s brother is in town this week. Oren’s asking if you’ll come over to play. I guess he recognizes you’re on the same mental level as a 7 year old,” Morrigan smirks as she takes a sip from her wine.

“Yes, if only to save him from having to spend time with you,” Alistair replies trying to ignore how Lizzy’s annoying friend keeps touching him.

“You like kids? That’s so attractive,” Tarohne answers, running a finger along Alistair’s bicep. Morrigan raises an eyebrow and looks at Alistair.

“Er, uh yeah,” Alistair hates how awkward he is around women. He’s uncertain what he did to give this woman with the strange white lipstick the impression he was interested in her attentions. Now that he has it, he’s uncertain how to tell her he’s not interested in her. Maker, the last time he tried to let someone down nicely it was Lizzy, who he  _ actually does _ like a little, and that ended with her crying. He can only imagine how poorly it would go with this one. Plus if he upset her, would that make Lizzy mad that he hurt her friend? Why does she seem distant and angry with him tonight? He feels like he should be apologizing, but he’s not sure for what.

Alistair runs his hand through his hair trying to figure out a way to get Lizzy alone to talk when his thoughts are interrupted by Merrill announcing that it’s time to start the game. Lizzy comes in from the kitchen with Isabela, Bruiser trotting behind them. Alistair finds it nice how much Bruiser has taken to Lizzy. The dog is a good judge of character, so Bruiser always seeking out Lizzy is a sign that she’s special.

“Ok, so everyone partner up!” Merril exclaims excitedly. Carver chuckles and gives her a kiss on the cheek and then finds a partner.

“Oooo, we can be partners,” Tarohne informs Alistair.

“Oh, that would be nice. But I, uh, promised Lizzy I’d be her partner,” Alistair shrugs as he walks away backwards towards Lizzy.

“Hi,” he says quietly when he’s near her.

“Hi,” she replies without a smile and looks at her shoes.

“Be my partner. Please?” Alistair playfully elbows her arm and gives a mock pout.

Lizzy bites her lower lip as she looks at him and gives him a nod of her head.

“Ok,” Merrill claps her hands together happily seeing that everyone’s partnered up. Tarohne looks unhappy to be partnered with Isabela, while Morrigan and Leliana are partnered and Zevran is with Carver. “We’re going to play hide and seek. You and your partner hide together and I’ll seek.”

“Is she serious?” Tarohne asks insultingly.

“Yup,” Carver answers giving Tarohne a glare.

“Ok, I’m going to count to thirty. GO!”

Everyone scrambles. Alistair takes Lizzy’s hand and leads her off down the hallway. Lizzy assumes they are heading towards the hidden room in the game room, so when Alistair yanks her into a closet she stumbles. He catches her in his arms, as she braces her hands along his chest.

“I thought we were going to the hidden room,” she explains as she looks up at him.

Alistair’s hands settle around her hips as he continues to hold onto her. “Shh.” He leans his head down so that his lips are beside her ear and he whispers, “You’re bad at this hiding thing.”

Lizzy tries to smile, but all she can think of is  _ why he likes Tarohne and not her _ ? She swallows hard, feeling the jealousy creeping back up in her throat. Tears build in her eyes and she’s grateful the closet is too dark for him to see them.

“Talk to me, Lily. What’s wrong?” he whispers into her ear sending a shiver through her that she’s sure he can feel as he continues to hold her.

“I…” she gulps, feeling stupid.

“Please.”

“What’s so special about Taro?”

Alistair stands back up so he can look at her. “I don’t know what you mean.”

Lizzy sighs and closes her eyes to continue keeping the tears at bay. “Why do you like her and not me?”

Alistair shakes his head, “I honestly don’t like her all that much. I mean I know she’s your friend, but I…”

“But you two keep touching each other and standing close,” she frowns.

“She is the one doing all that. I just didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to upset you,” Alistair frowns. “I don’t like her. I mean not in the way you mean.”

“You don’t?” Lizzy smiles as her hands slide up to his shoulders slightly.

“I don’t,” Alistair confirms as he touches her forehead with his own. He closes his eyes and she follows suit, just enjoying the feeling of being against him. 

A board creaks as someone walks by in the hallway and she holds her breath so they won’t get caught. His nose brushes against hers and Lizzy stills, feeling his breath on her mouth. She realizes his lips are only inches from hers. She’d only need to push herself up slightly to be kissing him. Then she remembers his words from last month, how he only wants to be friends and that stops her from moving. 

Alistair’s grip on her hips tightens slightly as his nose brushes along hers again.

“Lily,” he whispers.

She moves so that her body is even closer to his, but still says nothing. She can feel Alistair hold her in place so she can’t move away, and his breathing seems to be getting just slightly faster. She can feel her nipples tingle from the desire being this close to him is awakening in her. She can smell his cologne; sandalwood and some type of spice. Her fingers run slowly along his shoulders in an effort to help him relax.

She’s quiet as he struggles internally. While she stands there with her eyes closed, she imagines what his kiss would be like. Would it be soft or would he take charge and be firm? Maybe push her into the opposite wall and forget about the fact that they’re supposed to be hiding as they’d explore with their hands? 

His hold loosens and she readies herself for his kiss. Instead he pushes her away gently a moment before the closet door swings open.

“I found them,” Isabela answers with a smirk as she looks at the two of them. “You won. So, just what were you two up to in here, I wonder?”

“Drop it, Bel,” Alistair replies as he pushes past her leaving Lizzy still standing in the closet wondering what in the void just happened.

“You ok?” Isabela turns back to Lizzy after watching Alistair for a moment.

“Yeah, I think so,” Lizzy nods. “Confused as fuck, but I’m ok.”

Isabela throws her arm around Lizzy and smiles. “That’s my girl. Come on, let’s get back to the drinking.”

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Zevran leans along the wall next to Alistair who is playing with the label on his beer bottle looking contemplative. Everyone else is sitting around the room talking, including Morrigan’s fiance, Aidan Cousland, who arrived after his shift at the police station ended.

“I never realized you were that interested in brews,” Zevran smirks at his roommate.

“What?” Alistair looks at him in confusion.

“You are studying the beer as if you have an exam on it tomorrow. What troubles you? You were happy before the game. Something happen with our favorite chef?”

Alistair looks across the room at Lizzy who’s back is turned to him, listening to something that Morrigan and Aidan are saying.

“I’m not ready to date,” Alistair sighs, looking back at his bottle.

“I thought you said you two already resolved that. Did she ask again?”

Alistair shakes his head and frowns at his bottle again.

“This works better when you use words,” Zevran chuckles and takes a drink from the rum bottle in his hand.

“I almost kissed her.”

“When?”

“When we were hiding. She was in my arms, and it just...it felt good to hold someone again, you know? And she smelled good, and,” he shrugs, “I dunno. Something inside me was screaming to kiss her.”

“But you did not?”

Alistair shakes his head again. He takes a long sip of his beer and looks in Lizzy’s direction again. “It would be wrong. Not with how messed up I am right now on things.”

“It seems your heart disagrees.”

Alistair side eyes the elf. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Nothing my friend. It is not uncommon for the brain and the heart to disagree in matters of love. You just need to decide which one to listen to,” Zevran tilts his head.

Alistair nods, but frowns back down at his beer again as he contemplates his friend’s words.


	8. Chapter 8

Lizzy cooks up omelettes while watching Tarohne gather up her things and pack in preparation for her flight home. Tarohne hadn’t said much to her since the previous night, apparently annoyed that Alistair had chosen Lizzy over her for game night. Alistair had pretty much avoided both of them after Lizzy and he left the closet. He spent most of the rest of the night brooding into his beer. For her part, Lizzy took it in stride. It wasn’t the first time she’d been rejected by someone, and she took some satisfaction in knowing that at least he wasn’t interested in Tarohne either. She knew it isn’t right to feel that way. Tarohne was her friend and Lizzy knew she should want her to be happy, but Tarohne had her pick of guys back at Calenhad. Lizzy didn’t need to watch everyone fawn all over Tarohne in Denerim too.

“Do you need a ride to the airport?” Lizzy asks as she puts breakfast out for them.

Tarohne joins her at the table, tying her hair back as she sits and shakes her head, “I put in a request for a ride on my phone.”

“Thanks for coming. It was nice to have some help.”

Tarohne nods as she eats, “Well it’s not like you could do it alone. I mean is this worth it? You’re in this tiny place in a crappy neighborhood. Now you have those bills from the hospital. If you’d just stayed in Calenhad Jowan could have healed you for free. Why don’t you come back with me?”

“Because I have a chance to do something. The school is…”

“It’s not like anyone’s going to say anything if you come back. This was crazy of you to come out here in the first place and we all know it. This is clearly not working and you’re just being too stubborn to admit it. Come back where you belong,” Tarohne interrupts her.

“What? No, it’s going to be ok, and you saw, I’m making friends out here.”  _ Does everyone really think she was foolish to move here for school? _

“Who? Those people from last night? They’re not your friends,” Tarohne frowns.

“Sure they are, I mean they’ve all been so nice and…”

“Oh, honey,” Tarohne looks at her in sympathy and places a hand on top of Lizzy’s. “Honey they feel sorry for you. When we were still searching for you when you were in that closet that singer you like told me.”

“Leliana?”

“Is she the redhead? Then yes. She said they feel sorry for you. Coming to a city with no money, they kind of look at you as their charity case. You know, be nice to the poor kid. I mean seriously sweety, they’re famous musicians and a rich guy with an estate. What could you possibly think you have in common with them?”

“They...she told you that?” Lizzy feels a lump in her throat.

Tarohne nods, “Come on home, we still have your cot free.”

“I’ll, um...maybe,” Lizzy pouts, feeling stupid for mistaking kindness for friendship. 

Tarohne’s phone buzzes and she jumps up. “There’s my ride. Just remember, there’s always a place for you at home.” She kisses Lizzy on the cheek as she heads out.

Once alone, Lizzy gathers up the dishes from breakfast, leaving most of hers uneaten. Now that there’s no one to see her cry, the tears flow.  She really thought they were her friends, but now that Tarohne’s said something, she can see where maybe they really were just feeling sorry for her. 

She looks at her phone and realizes she needs to head into work soon. Taking a deep breath and a shake to release the tension, she lets her magic flow through her, cleansing herself almost. If anyone could see her, they’d see she had a slight glow about her as she did so.

By the time she arrives at Champions an hour later she’s feeling somewhat better. If she wasn’t, the bright smile Merrill greets her with would have done it. 

“Oh Lizzy! You’re here. Great, try this,” Merrill hands her a cup of hot liquid. “It’s a new tea I made.”

Lizzy takes a sip and has to stop herself from gagging over how horrid the taste is. She pastes on a fake smile. “What,” she starts coughing and then fake smiles again. “What is it?”

“Black Lotus,” Merrill beams proudly. “Do you think Hawke will let me put it on the menu?”

“Um,” Lizzy’s brain scrambles to try to figure out how to let Merrill down gently. “Maybe you should ask him.”

“Oh, he doesn’t drink tea. But Fenris does,” Merrill nods. “I’ll ask him.”

“Good idea,” Lizzy puts on her apron glad to have successfully deflected from having to tell Merrill just how awful the tea was.

“Do you mind watching the counter if I go ask now?”

“No, go ahead,” Lizzy reassures her. She pulls the trays from the kitchen and restocks the pastry display. The bell above the door rings and when she looks up she sees Zevran walking through the door. Tarohne’s words replay in her ears and she starts to feel hurt all over again.

She doesn’t need to even ask what he wants, it’s always a large black Antivan coffee. Placing the mug in front of him, he hands her his usual pile of change. 

“ Gracias ,” he nods as he picks up his drink and watches her curiously.

Lizzy goes back to filling the display without saying a word or looking at him.

“Did I do something to offend you last night, bonita?” Zevran has put down his drink and is watching her with concern.

“No, Zev,” she shakes her head but still doesn’t look.

“DEAR MAKER THAT IS AWFUL,” they both hear from the back of the restaurant. A moment later Fenris comes rushing up front and grabs a bottle of water. He opens it and starts trying to drink it in one gulp. 

Hawke is following an upset Merrill towards the front. “It’s ok. I’m sure it just needs a little tweaking.”

“Hawke, no,” Fenris is shaking his head while Merrill looks distraught.

Lizzy leaves the front, not wanting to be in the middle of things. She heads over to some tables to clean up the dishes left from previous guests. Zevran soon appears at her side. He playfully nudges her arm with his.

“Something has stolen your smile. I have been told I’m a good listener,” he gives her a friendly grin.

“It’s fine, besides I’m pretty busy,” she feels annoyed that he is pressing when all she wants is to retreat back to her apartment at this point.

Zevran looks around at the empty cafe. “Do you see people here that I do not?” he whispers to her. 

Lizzy smirks despite herself. 

“Ah, there it is. Did you perhaps have a fight with your friend?”

“No, it’s just…,” Lizzy bites her lip and sits at the table she’d been cleaning.

Zevran sits across from her, but says nothing, sipping his coffee.

“She told me what you all said to her,” Lizzy sighs and tries to fight off the tears.

“And what is it that we said?”

“That I’m sort of a charity case. That you feel sorry for me because I’m all alone in the city and can barely make ends meet. It makes sense, I mean you’re all, well, rich, and I’m not.”

Zevran raises an eyebrow. “Is it my living rent free at my best friend’s home, or that I pay for coffee with loose change that makes you believe Zevran is well off?”

“I, uh…” she realizes she maybe hadn’t thought this completely through. “Ok, well maybe not you, but the rest of them.”

“Alistair’s not rich. Leliana and Isabela are perhaps comfortable, but maybe they’ll get to rich if the album is as successful as the record company suspects,” he shrugs.

“He lives in a house the size of a castle,” Lizzy argues.

“A home he inherited,” Zevran corrects her. “But, no, wealthy he is not. Lizzy, we like you for you. If this Tarohne is telling you otherwise it is she that is not a good friend. I did not wish to say anything, but...”

“But what?” Lizzy braces herself for what he is about to say.

“I don’t believe she has your best interests. While you and Alistair where  _ not kissing _ in the closet…”

“He told you!”

“Not the point,” he chuckles. “She was trying to, well the best way I can put it is that she was putting you down. Trying to convince us that you were less. Clearly she has not tried your cheesecake.” He winks at her in jest.

“I feel like an idiot,” Lizzy frowns and stares down at her hands in her lap.

“Well, you are,” Zevran answers, smirking when Lizzy looks up at him in shock.

She playfully hits his foot with hers when she realizes he’s teasing her. “Thanks, Zev.”

Zevran winks and drinks his coffee with a nod.

“Please don’t tell anyone.”

“That you’re an idiot? I promise,” he chuckles as she throws a napkin at him. She’s feeling lighter and a little silly for having worried earlier and finds that she appreciates Zevran’s friendship more.

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“Ok Finn, pep talk time,” Lizzy says into her phone as she’s walking.

“What am I getting you ready for?” he asks with his usual nervous sounding voice. He’s always been timid and shy, except with her. He and her have become family, and it’s as if she’s the only one that ever sees the real Finn.

“Job interview.”

“I thought you liked the coffee place?”

“I do. I need a second job to pay off the hospital bills,” she says with a sigh. “Maybe Tarohne was right.”

“Doubtful. What’d she say?”

“That I should have stayed there. Then Jowan could have patched me up for free.”

“Yeah, or turned your skin purple. It’s always hit or miss with him. Besides, she’s a bitch.”

“Finn!”

“She is. Seriously I don’t know what happened there but she came home in a mood.”

“Oh. She put the moves on a friend of mine and he turned her down,” Lizzy can’t help but smile as she says this. 

“Well she’s still not one to listen to. I think she’s jealous of you,” Finn replies.

“What?” Lizzy stops walking. “What’s to be jealous of?”

“That you’re making a life. Following your dreams, and from what you’ve told me, making some friends. Now we just need to get you a non-rapey boyfriend and you’re golden,” Finn teases.

“Yeah, I don’t know,” Lizzy worries her lip. “Dating doesn’t seem to be a success for me. One night stands, sure, but an actual relationship…”

“Ugh, you aren’t seriously letting that army dickhead affect you, are you? He was an ass. Don’t let the jerk scare you from dating,” Finn complains.

“Which is it? Is he a dickhead, ass or jerk?” She tries to deflect.

“All of them. Now get out there and kick that interview in the ass!” Finn laughs.

“Thanks. Talk later?”

“Obvs. You’re the only one here I liked for more than two minutes. Now that you’ve deserted me to go to the big city…”

“You  _ told _ me to move here…”

“Left me all alone, not a care for poor Finn, all pitiful and sitting in a dark room. Didn’t even leave me a lamp…”

“Goodbye, dork. I’m here,” she says as she looks at the sign that says “The Herald’s Rest”. She hangs up as he moans in mock pain.

She opens the door to the bar and takes a look around. It’s pretty deserted, which isn’t a surprise given it’s only about three in the afternoon. There’s a large Qunari - as if there’s another kind - prepping fruit behind the bar. A lone patron is sitting there talking to him. A waitress is wiping down the tables in the middle of the room. Off at one table sits a dwarf writing in a notebook.

“Sit wherever you’d like, dear,” the waitress says when she notices Lizzy standing by the door.

“Oh, I’m looking for Mr. Tethras. I have an interview,” she explains.

“Over here, kid,” the dwarf waves her over as he stands up from his seat. He shakes her hand when she gets closer. “Call me Varric. Take a seat. So, you’re here about the waitress job?”

“Yes,” Lizzy nods. “I have school during the day, so a night job would be perfect.”

“Oh, what are you going for?”

“Cooking,” Lizzy answers proudly. “I want to own my own cafe one day.”

“Well great, maybe we’ll use you in the back sometime. Do you have experience with working as a waitstaff in a bar?” He leans comfortably back in his chair as he talks.

“No, but I work at a cafe down the street.”

“Champions?” He asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes,” she nods and then watches as he pulls out his phone and texts someone. She wonders what he could possibly be texting that’s so important in the middle of the interview. 

Varric chuckles as he reads something on the phone, and types again. “You’re hired. Start next Monday.”

“Wait, what? That’s it?”

“Hawke says you’re wonderful, and that’s good enough for me,” Varric nods. “He just made me promise I wasn’t stealing you away.”

“You know Hawke?”

“Sure. Who do you think introduced him to the angry porcupine he married?”

Lizzy chuckles realizing that’s the perfect description for Fenris. “Thank you so much Mr. Tethras.”

“Now if this is going to work you need to stop with that ‘Mr.’ stuff. That’s for fans of my novels. Around here it’s Varric. Come on, I’ll introduce you to Bull, he’s who you’ll report to.” Varric leads her to the bar and nods to the Qunari. “Tiny, this here is Lizzy. She’s our new waitress, going to start here next week.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Bull reaches out his hand. From here she can see he has a patch on one eye. He’s wearing a black t-shirt that shows off his large muscles. She’s surprised to see him working the bar instead of as a bouncer given his size. “That over there is Nora,” he indicates the waitress that’s wiping the tables. “There’s a few others, but they won’t be around until five so I’ll introduce you when you start. Glad to have you on the team.”

“Thanks. I just hope I do ok,” she nods.

“If you’re good enough for Varric, you’re going to do fine,” Bull winks, which is impressive given he only has the one eye.

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Lizzy’s trying to study for her food safety test that’s coming up. But instead, thanks to  _ stupid Finn, _ she keeps replaying that disastrous date she had two years ago. It was so bad that it made her back off from anything that even looked like it might be serious, until she met Alistair that is - although that door is clearly closed now.

_ Her date, Cullen, opened the door to the Rivaini restaurant, his muscular arm flexing as he did so. Lizzy practically blushed every time he smiled, he was so damn pretty. His hair had some curl to it, even being cut short per army regulation. He was in jeans and a button down shirt that she was so tempted to peel off him. Maker,  _ how  _ was it that he was still single and how much was she going to owe her coworker at the car wash, Ryan, for setting them up? _

_ “So, Ryan said you like to cook,” Cullen says after they’ve seated. _

_ Lizzy nods. “I hope one day I can do it professionally.” _

_ “You mean you don’t want to wash cars forever?” Cullen teases her. _

_ “Well as fun as it is having old men ogle me all day, no,” Lizzy shakes her head with a smirk. “So Ryan said you and he were in the army together?” _

_ Cullen seems to get a little fidgety at her question, “Yeah. We were. So, are you originally from around here?” _

_ “Nearby,” she deflects. “You?” _

_ “Honnleath. My two sisters and my brother still live there with their families,” Cullen answers. “I keep meaning to go back. I need to restore my pride and finally beat my sister at chess.” _

_ “You play chess?” Lizzy asks excitedly. _

_ “Yes, you too?” He smiles, finally looking relaxed. When she nods he grins again, “We’ll have to play sometime.” _

_ “I’d like that,” she replies. They continue talking through the meal finding more in common. They both love sci-fi movies, hate rom-coms. They prefer cookies to cake, and beer to wine.  _

_ “So, I know it’s traditional to wait to ask at the end of the date, but I really feel like this is going well. I have tickets to a comedy show next week. I was going to invite Ryan, but if you’re free?” _

_ “Sure,” Lizzy nods and blushes. _

_ As they are walking back towards her apartment all she can think about is if he’ll kiss her goodnight. That’s probably why she doesn’t notice the man approaching them until it’s nearly too late. _

_ “Hand over your wallet and I won’t shoot.” _

_ Cullen discreetly moves her behind him as he turns to face the gunman. “Listen, remain calm.” _

_ “Just hand over the wallet,” the man snarls. _

_ “Right. The hard way then,” before the gunman can react, Cullen slams his fist into the man’s gut. He then elbows him in the head, knocking the guy out. He turns to look at Lizzy, “Are you al…” _

_ He stops upon noticing the lightning coming off her hands as she had prepared to blast the gunman. _

_ “You’re a fucking mage?!?” Cullen snarls as he backs up from her. _

_ “Wait, I…” _

_ “Get away from me, you abomination,” he growls. “You’re disgusting.” _

_ Lizzy is shaking as she watches him storm off. It had been a painful reminder of why they all hid their magic. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully some of you are still out there reading. Sorry for the haphazard posting schedule :( 
> 
> And don't worry, Cullen lovers, it'll be ok.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hello! Anyone still around? Hopefully you remember Lizzy's classmates. They're the first two people mentioned in this chapter. If you're still out there give me a shout out and thank you SO MUCH for sticking around <3

“My brain is too full, none of this is sinking in,” Darrian groans at Lizzy and puts his head in his hands.

“You’re so over dramatic. Here,” Sereda snorts as she put down mugs of coffee for the three of them. Hawke had been kind enough to offer them free coffee so they could study at the coffee shop. It was a perk they took full advantage of as they were studying for their first test in their Food Safety class.

“Ok, close your eyes, you  _ know _ this. What are three common ways to introduce chemical contamination into food?” Lizzy prompts him from the practice exams the teacher had supplied online.

“Unwashed Fruits and Vegetables,” Darrian answers, “Pest control products, and um…”

Sereda wipes off some crumbs from the table and gives Darrian a knowing look.

“OH! Kitchen cleaning agents. Thanks S!” he sits up proud.

“You’re welcome. And how is it that my name is reduced to one letter?”

“Because we’re just that tight,” Darrian laughs. Sereda had been right. Once Darrian got to know her, he had no problem talking around Lizzy. He was a bit socially awkward, but he was nice and had a dry humor making him easy to get along with.

“I think we may just beat this test,” Lizzy nods to her friends.

“Heck yeah,” Sereda agrees and Darrian nods as he sipped his coffee before making a face.

“Needs sugar,” he explains.

Lizzy looks at her phone and then jumps up gathering up her laptop and notes as she notes the time. “Sorry guys, I gotta dash. New job starts tonight.”

“Check you on the flip side,” Darrian says. Lizzy shakes her head and laughs to herself as she waves goodbye to them and shouts out a  _ thank you  _ to Hawke as she leaves.

It wasn’t a long walk to ‘The Herald’s Rest’ and she uses the time to clear her mind of all the numbers and diagrams stuck in there from studying. Varric looks over from where he’s sitting at a table, writing again when she enters the bar.

“Go put your stuff in the locker and when you get back I’ll introduce you around,” he waves to her.

When she gets to the locker room, Nora is already in there. “Varric said there was a locker for me?”

“Oh, sure. Those three down there are all open, take your pick. Just punch in any code you want and hit the lock button to lock it. At the end of your shift punch in the code and hit the unlock,” Nora explains to her. “You’ll just shadow me tonight and tomorrow to get a handle on things. I’ll meet you up front.” She tosses Lizzy a friendly smile which helps calm some of the first day nerves she’s feeling.

Lizzy gets her locker set up and then takes a moment to look in the mirror along the wall. She straightens her shirt and primps her hair. Taking a deep breath she attempts to calm her jitters.

When she gets back to the front she sees Bull at the bar talking to two rather muscular men who have their back to her. She heads over to Nora and Varric who are talking to two dwarves.

“Hey kid,” Varric nods. “This is Dagna, she’s our head chef.”

Dagna beams excitedly in a way that reminds Lizzy of Merrill immediately, “Hey, great to meet you. I understand from Varric that you might be able to help in the back sometimes.”

“I’d love to,” Lizzy nods. “I’m going to the Culinary school, so it’d be great to learn from you.”

“Well it’ll be a good lesson in trying not to get blown up at least,” Varric chuckles. “Dagna here likes to experiment. And this here is Cabot.”

“No drinking on the job,” Cabot grumbles and then heads back to behind the bar.

“And that was Cabot. A real charmer isn’t he?” Varric chuckles while Lizzy wonders why he thinks she’s going to be drinking on the job. “You’ve met Nora and Bull already, so let me introduce you to security. They’ll be the eyes here. If a customer’s getting too handsy or rowdy just let them know.”

She follows him over to the bar where Varric calls over to the two men talking with Bull.

“Hey Curly, Starkhaven, meet the new waitress. Look out for her, she’s a good egg,” Varric instructs them.

She watches as the two men turn around. The first has slightly long brown hair with a facial tattoo. He smiles at her and offers his hand.

“Rylen, good to meet you, lass,” he has a thick Starkhaven accent, which she assumes is where Varric’s name for him came from.

She turns to meet the other bouncer and her heart jumps into her throat as the room seems to grow cold. From the look in his eyes, he recognizes her too.  _ Shit shit shit. So much for this job.  _ She runs from the mage-hater back to the locker room to get her stuff.

“Wait,” she can hear him calling out behind her as she gets into the room. 

_ Fuck, _ she realizes there’s no other way out than how she came in. Just as she’s looking around to see if she can find somewhere to hide he steps into the room. Being alone with him makes him seem even larger.

“Wait, Lizzy, please?” Cullen holds up his hands and she takes a step back from him. She starts to panic when her back hits the wall and she can feel her mana start to build. “Shit, of course you’re scared of me. Please, Lizzy, I won’t hurt you. Just hear me out.”

Lizzy’s eyes dart several times between him and the door and she puts up a barrier around herself. Cullen takes a step towards her and before she can think, she hits him with a bolt of electricity and takes off out the door while he’s passed out on the floor.

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Lizzy flips through job listings on her tablet while her coffee sits cold on the table beside her. So far all she’s finding are openings she can’t take because of school. She nervously bites her lip trying to hold back tears. She needs money because of the hospital bills, yet she can’t take most jobs because of school. She’s starting to feel like maybe she should just quit. The job at the Herald’s Rest would have been perfect -- it was evenings so it wouldn’t interfere with school, and because the owner was Hawke’s best friend, they were willing to schedule around each other for her.  _ Maybe Tarohne was right and this was foolish of her to try. _ Lizzy keeps her head down trying to ignore the concerned looks Fenris keeps throwing her way. He hasn’t asked yet what’s wrong and she is hoping that continues. The most he’s done is place a free cup of coffee beside her, the one that is now cold. If it wasn’t for the fact that she needed the cafe’s wifi and it’s the only place that will let her use it without having to buy something, she would have just stayed in her apartment. There she had a pile of blankets she had buried herself under last night when she got home. It is waiting for her return when she finally gives up this fruitless search.

She hears a small cough of someone trying to get her attention. She looks up expecting to see Fenris or maybe Hawke and instead finds Cullen looking down at her. He rubs the back of his neck and looks sheepish, but all she sees is the large, muscled former army man that she attacked last night and her eyes get wide.

“Can I?” he asks, indicating the arm chair across from her. 

Lizzy nods but looks up to see if Fenris is still nearby for safety. Not only is he, but he appears to be watching the two of them rather intently. Lizzy wonders if she missed Cullen talking with Fenris. Did he tell Fenris what happened?  _ We don’t hire your kind here _ , rings in her head, having heard it so often in Calenhad. Is she about to lose this job too? The look on Fenris’ face says it’s a very likely possibility.

“Are you ok?”

Lizzy looks at Cullen in confusion.  _ She _ hit him with lightning last night, yet he’s asking if  _ she’s _ ok? She just nods, unable to find her words.

“I didn’t mean to scare you. I handled that all wrong, I’m sorry,” he sighs. “I just...For the last two years all I wanted to do was find you. But you weren’t working at that same place anymore, and all I knew was your first name, so I had no way to track you.”

“You were trying to track me,” Lizzy’s eyes get big as she remembers stories in the history books about groups called Templars that used to hunt mages. But they were all gone, right?

Cullen holds up his hands to show he means no harm, “To apologize. Maker Lizzy,” he rubs the back of his neck again. “I was an ass. You didn’t deserve the venom I spewed at you. I was...things had happened to me in the war and I took it out on you unfairly. I’ve been dealing with it since, I’m not the same man full of anger I was then. It was unworthy of me to have treated you that way.  _ Especially _ given you were trying to save my life. Do you think...Can you forgive me?”

She studies his face, looking for any insincerity in it. She finds none and then considers his words.

“You’ve been wanting to apologize for two years?”

Cullen nods, “I am ashamed of how I acted. When I saw you last night, all I saw was my opportunity to set things right. I thought about how I wanted to show you how much I’ve changed in that time. I didn’t think at all that you wouldn’t know that. Of course you were scared of me. I didn’t think, I just acted and probably made it way worse for you. So I’m sorry for that as well.”

“Is he bothering you?” Lizzy looks up at Fenris’ voice and sees he’s standing beside Cullen, with his arms crossed as he glares down at the large man.

Lizzy looks back at Cullen again, and studies his face once more. He looks tired, she decides, although she’s uncertain if it’s from working last night or what occurred between them. What she doesn’t find, though, is any indication that he isn’t being truthful. 

“It’s ok, Fenris. He was a jerk long ago…”

“An ass,” Cullen corrects her.

“An ass,” Lizzy continues with a smirk. “But I don’t think he’s that man anymore.” She looks over at Cullen as she says this and sees the relief wash over him.

Fenris hums as if he doesn’t quite believe her, but leaves to go back to the front counter just the same.

“Thank you,” Cullen leans his arms on his legs and seems to deflate, as if the guilt he’s been carrying has been a weight and he’s finally free of it. “I hope we can work together so you can see I mean what I said.”

Lizzy quirks an eyebrow, “I highly doubt I still have a job there after I attacked security and ran off.”

Cullen nods and rubs his hand along the stubble on his chin, “Quite right. Except last night you had gotten pretty sick and I called you a cab since you can’t serve alcohol if you’re sick. I was only out for a few minutes, so they don’t know about anything.”

Lizzy gulps, grateful tears starting to form. If she’s understanding correctly, this means she doesn’t have to give up school after all. “Thank you,” her words coming out barely above a whisper as she feels the tears fall.

Cullen pulls a handkerchief from his pocket and hands it to her, “I figured I owed you that at least. So I’ll see you tonight?”

Lizzy nods as she wipes her eyes with the cloth.

“Great,” Cullen stands. “Keep it,” he nods to the cloth. “Have a great rest of the day.”

He’s only gone a moment before Fenris occupies the seat Cullen had been in. “Are you sure you’re ok?”

Lizzy is taken back by Fenris’ care. He’s usually so, well as Varric described, like a porcupine. He always seems on defense and gruff, but right now he’s looking at her with a softness she’s only seen him give Hawke before. 

“I’m ok Fenris, thank you.”

Fenris nods. “Hawke, he thinks of you as family, which, by extension, means we’re family. So if you’re not ok, you come to us, alright?”

Lizzy feels a new wave of tears build up at his words. Not only at the kindness, but because she knows that just like Calenhad, he wouldn’t be saying that if he knew she was a mage. She realizes then that she needs to talk to Cullen before her secret gets out.

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**Merril:** Bunch of us are going dancing next Friday, do you want to go?

_ I need to check my schedule tonight but if I’m free, sure! _

**Merril:** Great. Alistair will be there  😍

_ He already said he’s not interested in me. I’ll see you at work Monday. _

**Merril:** Oh! Aww. Ok see you Monday.

Lizzy turns off her phone and closes it in the locker. Just as Cullen had assured her, everyone is under the impression she had gotten sick. They all asked if she was feeling better and happy to see her.

She’s pulling down chairs to put them under the tables when Cullen comes over. “Can I get a word real quick? I wanted to walk through some security things with you.”

“Oh, sure,” Lizzy nods and gives him her attention.

“First, you’re ok working with me, right?” He looks unsure.

“I’m willing to give it a try,” she gives him a friendly smile that seems to reassure him as he stands taller.

“Great. Ok so usually we don’t have anyone working the door, except Saturday nights. So tonight you’ll see Barris there,” he indicates the bald man talking to Rylen. “In addition, Rylen covers the bar area and I’ll be walking the floor. If you need any of us you just need to call for security. Most times though it won’t even get that far. Varric runs a good business, but sometimes alcohol changes people. We’re here to keep you safe just as much as the customers, ok?”

Lizzy nods and then remembers what she wanted to talk with him about, “Um, Cullen?”

“Yes?”

“I uh,” she starts talking quieter, causing him to lean in. “I don’t want anyone to know what I am, ok?”

She bites her lip as she waits for his reply. He’s looking at her as if he’s not sure what she means and then recognition dawns in his eyes and he nods. “I won’t tell a soul.”

“Thanks,” she lets out a sigh of relief as he heads back over to talk to Rylen and Barris while she returns to her task.

She follows Nora around that night watching as the waitress banters with any regulars while being sweeter to anyone she doesn’t know. She shows Lizzy how to use the point-of-sale kiosks and two hours into her shift she realizes Lizzy is more than capable of doing this already. Her experience with having to remember long, complex coffee orders is serving her well. If anything, this is easier. No one wants substitutions or changes to their drinks, and only the beer and wine come in more than one size.

By the time the bar closes for the night her feet are aching and all she can think of is heading off to her bed. Nora approaches and hands her a wad of cash as Lizzy’s putting chairs on top of the final table.

“What’s this?” Lizzy stares at the money in her hand.

“Your cut of the tips for tonight. You did good, hun,” Nora smiles.

“This is for one night?” Lizzy gapes.

Nora laughs kindly, “Don’t spend it all in one place. Come on, let’s get out of here.”

Rylen and Cullen appear to be waiting for them at the front door to walk them both to their cars. Rylen walks with Lizzy while Cullen and Nora walk towards her car speaking like old friends.

“So how was the first night?” Rylen asks her.

“Good, but tiring,” Lizzy laughs. “I shouldn’t have any trouble sleeping tonight. Hopefully Nora is happy with how I did.”

Rylen joins her in the laugh, “You did fine, lass. She wouldn’t have let you on your own so early if she didn’t think you were ready.” They stop in front of her car, “Enjoy your Sunday off.”

“Thanks Rylen,” she starts up her car and drives herself the mile to her house. She is barely in the apartment before she collapses onto her bed fast asleep.

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“Woo hoo, sexy,” Isabela comments as she picks up Lizzy’s hand to spin her gently while admiring Lizzy’s dress. It’s red, with off the shoulder sleeves and a skirt stopping several inches above the knee. 

Lizzy beams. It was a huge find at the thrift shop and she’s excited to see her friends love it. She feels beautiful in it. “Thanks.”

“I see Zev and Carver over there,” Merrill points to a high top and Lizzy, Isabela, Leliana and Morrigan follow.

Carver straightens up when he sees Merrill and smiles wide after she plants a quick kiss on his lips. 

“This place is great,” Lizzy comments as she looks around.

“I like it because you can still hear yourself talk even though there’s dancing,” Leliana answers. “Speaking of which…” She walks away from the group and starts chatting up a blonde woman near the dance floor. 

“So how’s the new job?” Carver asks.

“Oh it’s really nice. Do you know Varric?”

Carver nods, and frowns “Yeah, but I really wish he’d stop calling me ‘Junior’.”

“I think it’s cute,” Merrill interjects.

“You do?” Carver asks with a blush and Merrill nods.

“Oh, uh, hi,” Alistair’s voice sounds strange. Lizzy turns her head to see him placing down drinks for himself, Carver and Zev. His eyes, however, are roaming over her dress as his cheeks start to blush. Lizzy fights the urge to roll her eyes at him.

“Hi yourself,” she playfully replies.

They all fall into friendly discussion. At one point Merrill shares a story about skinny dipping with her friends in high school that has Carver choking on his drink and blushing which kicked off a round of laughing among the others.

“Merrill, want to head to the bar with me? Next round’s on me,” Lizzy beams feeling thrilled to have made enough in tips to treat her friends for a change.

“Sure,” Merrill chirps and follows Lizzy.

Lizzy waves over the bartender and places their order. She and Merrill start talking as they wait.

“So, things are going well with you two?” Lizzy looks over for a moment towards Carver.

Merrill nods, “He’s really sweet and he makes me laugh.”

“Aww, you look happy,” Lizzy sighs feeling a bit envious, having never known that feeling of just belonging with someone.

“I am,” Merrill replies.

“What a nice surprise to see you here.” 

Lizzy turns her head and grins when she sees Anders leaning on his side along the bar. The look in his eyes makes her insides quake a little.

“Hey,” she tries to keep her voice from shaking.

“Hey,” his voice deepens a little if she’s not mistaken.

Deciding she’s become the third wheel, Merrill returns to the table with several drinks, “Lizzy’s bringing the rest.”

“Who’s the tall drink of water?” Isabela asks as she eyes the blonde talking to Lizzy.

“That’s Anders. He comes into the coffee shop a lot and talks to her,” Merrill replies.

A few minutes later, Lizzy arrives with the other drinks and two men beside her. “Everyone, this is Anders and his friend Nathaniel.”

Alistair’s eyes narrow as he realizes how he knows the blonde man, “Aren’t you her doctor?”

“Not anymore,” Anders smirks as his arm wraps around Lizzy’s waist. “Care to dance?”

“Sure,” Lizzy nods as they head off for the floor.

“So, Nathaniel, you a doctor too?” Isabela leans closer to him.

“No, lawyer,” he replies.

“Mmm, I could use a lawyer,” Isabela smirks.

“Oh?”

“Yes, I am a bad girl,” Isabela purrs and Nathaniel coughs into his drink as she appears to be doing something to him under the table.

“Ok, let’s get you away before you scare the nice lawyer,” Zevran chuckles as he pulls Isabela to the dance floor. Merrill and Carver decide to join them leaving Alistair with Nathaniel. Not that Alistair seems to notice as he’s giving the dance floor a glaring look.

“Should I get him to move on?” Nathaniel asks.

Alistair gives him a confused look, “What?”

“Is he making a move on your girl?” Nathaniel tilts his head towards the floor.

Alistair shakes his head and looks annoyed, “Lizzy’s not my girl.”

“If you say so,” Nathaniel eyes him with an amused smile on his face before watching the floor for only a moment. He seems to find what he’s looking for as he heads off towards a red head that he soon after leads to the dancing crowd.

Alistair remains at the table watching everyone’s drinks trying to figure out just why it’s bugging him so much that Lizzy is dancing with Anders. The couple in question seem to be enjoying themselves as Lizzy is facing away from Anders dancing, and his hands are on her waist. Alistair watches as Anders starts placing kisses on Lizzy’s bare shoulder and he diverts his eyes back to the drinks. He picks up Isabela’s and slams it down, immediately regretting it as whatever she was drinking burns the back of his throat. He coughs in response, only making him feel even worse as he stands at the table alone.

Rolling the empty glass between his hands, Alistair tries to figure out why exactly he’s upset. He meant it when he told Lizzy he wasn’t ready for anything, and he has no claim on her. She has every right to be dancing with someone else. Still, that sharp pang of jealousy is there no matter how much he tells himself how unreasonable it is. Thoughts wandering towards Lena, Alistair finds himself annoyed at her all over again. At her betrayal and hurt, screwing him up so bad that when he meets someone as wonderful as Lizzy, he’s too afraid to make a move. And now it’s clear he’s lost his chance.

 

Art by the amazing SangoSweetz. Check her out for commissions!   
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> So normally my works are complete and beta'd before I post. In this case, neither is true so PLEASE feel free to point out typos or anything I goof on. I've reread it several times, but I probably missed something.
> 
> This is my first time trying present tense, so please let me know how it goes.
> 
> The rest here gets personal, so you can stop here if you wish.
> 
> My updates will be sporadic. If you are my friend on Facebook or Tumblr, you already know - but I was recently diagnosed with Breast Cancer. Now no "sorries" or worrying, I'm going to beat this, I just have a long journey ahead. But because of that, I don't know how I'll feel day to day when it comes to writing or publishing. I'm hoping by breaking my own rule about not publishing before a story is complete will push me to be creative and keep on keeping on.
> 
> As for the diagnosis - Male or Female, do monthly self exams. Get a mammogram. If you're a breastfeeding mama, once you and baby are in a routine (not in the early months where you and baby are still figuring it out) if your baby suddenly refuses to feed off a specific breast (but is fine on the other. I mean pops off instantly) see your doctor. It doesn't mean cancer, but it means something is up. I can't point to anything published, this is just in talking with the doctor that did my biopsy, they have observed this phenomenon time and again from breastfeeding moms. Again, not always cancer, but is a signal there's a cyst or something affecting the milk. The other sign I didn't know about and missed was I thought I had a clogged duct - but I didn't have the pain associated with it.  
> Again -- I'll be ok, but I could have caught this a month earlier if I'd known those were both signs of an issue. Better to be a "paranoid' patient bugging her doctor than to ignore something.


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